ᵀᴿᵁᵀᴴ ᴼᴿ ᴰᴬᴿᴱ メ ᴾᴴᴬᴺ

-14-

p h i l
i was in tears. i don't know why i just suddenly started crying but  was. because for some odd reason, all my worst memories were bombarding me. everything that made me hate myself was there. everyone single one. it was all coming back. all at once.

that's why i had started making YouTube videos because it was a place where i can be me. at first it was really just a place to channel the emotions i was feeling at the time and for some odd reason i decided to make them public. but making those videos public was definitely one of the best decisions i've ever made. people like me for me, they encourage me to make more content where i can be real and people like it. i've become someone that people look up to now and i've made a difference. but it seemed that this was the only good thing going for me. and i wish i had my camera right now, so i can make another video.

i had somehow climbed into the bathtub that dan was lying in. i was practically on top of him, and he had his arm around me, trying to comfort me. i've never felt so safe before. not even when i was making videos and no one can hurt me. i didn't quite understand why dan was doing all of this, maybe it was because he was drunk, i don't know but i didn't care. i felt so warm, in dan's embrace as he tells me everything is going to be okay. but he can't promise that. i've heard it too many times and it's never been 'okay'.

"why don't we play a game?" dan suddenly asked, his fingers playing with my hair as he was shushing me and trying to stop me from crying.

my sniffling stopped for a moment, my sadness slowly turning into frustration. i was here, bawling my eyes out in sadness and pain and he wants to play a game? (A/N lol that rhymed)

"to get your mind of it," dan continued.

dan didn't even know why i was crying, heck, i hardly knew why i was crying. i didn't know which memory stung the most.there was too many. but at that moment i lacked any thought, my headache was only getting worse and i just wanted to get out of there. i nodded.

"truth or dare?"

i sighed. the game we played so regularly. i iked that game. it was almost like it was our game. i wondered if dan played it with anyone else. i wouldn't blame him if he did. it was a fun game, and we always made it interesting. it was special to me. i only hoped that it was also special to him too. i nodded again, wiping the tears that were going to stain my face for the rest of the night.

---

d a n
i sighed as phil wiped his tears with his hands. his beautiful blue eyes were so angelic, so pure and perfect. with the tears he was keeping in there, it looked like the ocean. and his tears were the waterfalls. i had no idea why i was thinking like this. it wasn't like me to feel any sympathy for anyone. i had to shut my emotions down. and quick.

but i couldn't help but stare at his scars. the pastel kid i had been teasing ever since i met him. i could tell they weren't fresh, he hadn't cut in a while. i've seen fresh cuts before and his were almost faded, but the scars were never going to go away. never completely, even if no one could see it, phil would always know that they were once there. and now, so could i. phil was looking at me now, and he looked down at where i was looking and he frowned.

"please. please don't hate me," phil whispered, nervously. he closed his eyes and his lip quivered as if he was trying so so hard not to cry.

"i-i don't hate you, phil," i replied, still looking at his scars but now gently rubbing them. they weren't going to hurt now. any bumps he had before were now bruises. "but i'm not giving you a choice this round. you're to choose truth,"

phil nodded, reluctantly, giving up and asked, "what do you want to know?"

i looked at him in surprise. i would have thought it was pretty obvious what i wanted to know. i looked back down at the scars, giving them another gentle rub as his head was now buried deeper in my chest. and i let him. i had no idea where i was going with this. i didn't know why i cared so much about helping him but seeing phil like this made my heart sink. he was the happiest, most optimistic, selfless person he's met. and i didn't know... he was giving me something... a feeling. an unknown feeling... no, one that i never thought i'd ever experience again.

"phil? will you please tell me where you got those scars?"

phil's face went white. no, that was impossible. i didn't think phil's face could get any paler. i frowned as he looked up at me, in shock.

"i know it's a sensitive topic i-i just want to help and maybe if we talk about it umm.."

and that's when phil's lips touched mine. he was kissing me. and i was kissing him back.