ᵀᴿᵁᵀᴴ ᴼᴿ ᴰᴬᴿᴱ メ ᴾᴴᴬᴺ

-10-

p h i l
i looked at dan's face and smiled. he had taken the bet. and now i was all warmed up. what i hadn't told dan is, yes i have not played this particular game before, but being alone gives me a lot of time to entertain myself. and to be able to make hobbies, one of them playing video games. i played them constantly at home, even online where i could play with people all over the world. mostly because i had no one else to play with.

the game had loaded, we chose our characters once again and chose a level.

"are you ready?" i asked. i was anxious with butterflies in my stomach. i really wanted to go to that party. if i can prove to myself, dan and his friends, maybe i can hang out with him more. i suddenly realised that this is what i wanted. i wanted to see dan more, not just in our hall room. i wanted to not be an embarrassment as a room-mate to him, be the pastel kid that he can't be with outside of our room. i wanted to be able to walk along side him, go to our favourite breakfast place, go to this icky burger place, play these arcade games together. I wanted to spend more time with him. and because of this, i needed to win this game and go to that party.

as dan nodded his head, a wide grin spreading on his face showing a perfect dimple. I noticed two tiny freckles which made it look like a sad face and i raised my eyebrow. even his dimple represented a sad soul, and i wanted dan to be happy.

"what are you looking at, can we start the game already?"

i jumped, started as dan caught me staring at his beautiful face. i quickly nodded and pressed PLAY.

i got to admit. it was a really close game. my hands felt sticky from sweating so much as i pressed the buttons frantically, and i felt very hot. blood shot out of each other's characters as we tried to kill each other and suddenly the game was finished. black screen.

PLAYER 1 WINS

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d a n
i stared at the screen, wide mouthed. i really thought i had gotten him. my character was holding phil's by his neck but phil somehow unleashed this attack i've never seen before. he must have just pressed some random buttons. a pastel kid like him would probably have never played a video game ever. or nothing like this anyway. i looked over at phil but for some reason couldn't bring myself to be mad. he has the cutest smile on his face and was blushing hard, his eyes twinkling as he stared at the screen, proudly. i sighed.

"well done," i whispered. it was hard for me to say, because i thought i'd win but seeing the glow on phil's face, it seemed like i already had. i hadn't played a game with someone in so long. the last time was with my older brother, about five years ago. he has killed himself, and playing video games together was one of my all time favourite activity with him. it was that year that i started getting bad grades, flopping school activities and took up this new persona. a rebellious me. but somehow, i managed to get into this university after i picked up my grades slightly last year, and here i am playing with who seems to be like a long lost brother.

i wanted to kick myself. after my brother passed, i didn't want to feel any emotion for anyone. my brother and i were close, but for some reason not close enough and i took it as upon my responsibility that he killed himself. because he has no one to turn to. he didn't even leave a suicide note. it just happened. i had changed my appearance, my personality because obviously i wasn't good enough the way i was to be there for the person i loved most. not even my parents came first as they were hardly home. and here, emotions seem to be flooding back but they were different. and i couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"so looks like i'm going to that party then," phil smiled with a goofy grin. he put the controller down and took his hand out, after wiping it off his trousers. the game was tense. i didn't blame him for sweating. i shook his hand.

"so you are," i smiled. his hands were still soft like the first time i touched them when i helped him up from the cold pavements of london, saving his life. they fitted his personality well, and i wish i still had that hand cream, but that was all gone. and i can't be seen in a place like lush or the body shop. i had a firm grip, but let go after realising i had held it for a bloody long time, not that i minded.

"come on then," i said, starting to walk off, phil quickly following me.

where are we going?" he asked, confused.

"to get you some new clothes," i replied. if I was going to keep this side of me, I had to change phil. and for some reason i didn't mind, because this guy. this guy i want to hang out with more, and the only way i can do that is make him like me. starting with his appearance. phil didn't say a word. that was my only condition if he won the bet and he hadn't refused. i took him to my favourite shop, hoping this wouldn't be a bad idea bringing a pastel kid into the gloomy dark store and realised right then that i had spent this whole day with phil. and i'll be taking him to marcus' party next weekend. and today, it was the most fun ive had in while.

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14th June 2017

also, Daniel appeared in Buzzfeed on Snapchat today😂 your welcome.

~ Chels