ᵀᴿᵁᵀᴴ ᴼᴿ ᴰᴬᴿᴱ メ ᴾᴴᴬᴺ

-12-

p h i l 

i had taken a deep breath and opened the door. dan had come into the room, rather quickly, pushing the door rather hard and pushing me out of the way as he entered. i gulped, nervously. he had come back earlier than i thought. i didn't think he would catch me making videos. i hadn't told dan about this.

after a very depressing time in my life i had started making videos. not just any videos, but these videos that helped me feel better about myself. i made videos, made them public and managed to save myself from going any more downhill because i found so many beautiful people out there, who appreciated for me. for the person I was. i made those videos so people knew what it was like to be hurt. to show that words hurt. and yet so many people related to my videos... to me. and i couldn't' tell dan about this. not yet.

"what were you doing in here?"

dan repeated the question, looking at me with his beautiful brown eyes. i can't be tranced by them. not now. although my videos are public, someone like dan would never see those videos, he would never look for these kind of videos, he would never appreciate me the same way as my viewers do. he just wouldn't understand.

"phil?"

dan sneaked a look behind me, where the alcohol drinks were, dangerously near my tripod. i had frantically shoved the camera under my bed, the tripod behind my cupboard but obviously not hid well enough. he definitely saw it.

how long had he been standing there? what did he hear from outside the door? were the walls that thin? wow many other people have heard me from outside? does that mean if we ever...

i pushed the thought in the back of mind, as dan was waving at me, as i had blanked out.

"umm n-nothing... what do you mean?"

i looked down at my feet, realising i hadn't changed from my punk clothes which i wore in the video, seeing the ripped jeans and fiddled with my fingers, nervously. i looked back up at him.

dan raised his eyebrow, a frown on his face as he looked at me. he crossed his arms, judging silently. i felt he was disappointed in me. he was definitely disappointed in me. was he mad that i was keeping a secret from him? but what did he know? and why did he care?

"phil, i-"

"it's nothing, okay!" i blurted, biting my lip with regret. i had never shouted at dan before, and he didn't respond. his beautiful brown eyes had faded, as if in sadness, but no words came out of his mouth. he nodded, as if understanding. he walked behind me and i turned, to see what he was going to do.

"whatever,"

dan picked up the bag of alcohol drinks and headed out, and put it under his bed, kicking it slowly so they were then nowhere to be seen. but there was something i did see. a green item.