Believe in Me

Chapter 33

Brushing my hair—do I look perfect?

I forgot what to do to fit the mould, yeah!

The more I try the less it's working, yeah

'Cause everything inside me screams

No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay.

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.

But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

There's nothing wrong with who you are!

Yes, no, egos, fake shows, like whoa!

Just go and leave me alone!

Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight,

With a smile that's my home!

That's my home, no...

No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!" Demi joined in. She was singing with a smile on her face looking at me. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. This song always made me cry when I sang it. This time it was actually the good kind of crying.

"Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay...

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

Just be true to who you are!

Yeah yeah yeah" Demi engulfed me in a hug when we finished the song. 

"That was amazing baby girl!" she said enthusiastically. I love it when she calls me her baby girl. It makes me feel like I'm wanted and worth something. "You have to put that on your album," she said letting go of me. It's kind of a personal song, but I think a lot of people could relate to it. I actually want people to hear it. My album isn't going to be coming out for a while though. 

"I think I'm going to. Do you think maybe I could make it a single?" I asked hesitantly. If I made it a single it means I would be able to release it soon and depending on if people like it or not, it might end up on the radio.

"Of course! I think it would make an amazing single! Let's go to the studio and record it tomorrow," Demi said. I was actually really exited. Something inside me just switched. I'm going to get through this and I'm going to be happy no matter what it takes. I want to be an inspiration to people like Demi is.

"Yes!" I said jumping up and getting really exited. Demi laughed and pulled me back down onto the bench. 

"Now play it again, I want to hear it again," she said and I obeyed. I wanted to play it again too. This time Demi sang the whole song softly with me. 

Once we were finally done messing around on the piano it was time for dinner. I got really nervous and I knew Demi could tell.

Demi's POV

Anna's song was so perfect. The lyrics showed me how strong she really is. I know she is going to be able to get through this, she just needs a little encouragement. When we finished on the piano I took her to the kitchen with me. I don't want to leave her out of my sight, because who knows what she might do. She seemed genuinely happy, but it faded as soon as I started making us dinner. I figured I would start her off with something easy. I microwaved her a can of bean soup and then I juiced some fruits and vegetables to drink. I knew she wouldn't be able to eat a whole bowl can of soup and I wasn't expecting her to. I split the soup with her and made myself some grilled cheese to go with it. It wasn't my ideal dinner, but it would have to work considering I didn't have really anything else right now that I could make. I sat down right next to her at the table and watched her begin to eat. I could tell she didn't trust herself. I finished eating quickly and she still had eaten barely any of hers. I only gave her about 1/3 of the can of soup so I woudn't overwhelm her. She was starting to struggle really bad. Her grip tightened around the spoon and she started forcing herself to eat. She was taking huge spoonfuls and eating them really fast. She was binging. I pulled the spoon out of her hand and sat her on my lap. If I didn't stop her then the purging would come next. "Slow down baby, I know it's hard, but if you eat it like that you are bound to purge after you eat it," I said rubbing her back. I began feeding her small spoonfuls of the soup. I got her to eat almost all of it before she refused to eat anymore. I let her stop because I didn't want to push her too far and cause her to break. I told her if she drank half of the glass of juice that I would let her be finished. She did as I said. Dinner took almost an hour and a half for her. It was 8:30 now. I brought her into the living room to watch a movie and distract her so she would keep it down. I let her choose the movie. She choose Bridesmaids. I put it in the Blue Ray player and then went and sat on the couch with her. She immediately scooted over to me and laid her head on my lap. I could tell she was fighting with herself. She was trying to stay strong and I was proud of her. I held onto her tight so she wouldn't be able to get up if she tried.

"Thank you Demi," I heard her say while the trailers were playing.

"For what?" I asked.

"For everything," she said. I felt so much warmth and love at that moment, I never wanted it to end. Anna didn't try to get up or 'go to the bathroom' the whole movie. She was barely able to keep her eyes open by the time it was finished. Her food would be digested by now so she couldn't really purge, but I didn't want to take any chances. I took her hand and took her into my bedroom with me. We had both stayed in out pajamas all day so we just got right into bed. I held onto her, pretty much spooning her, because I still didn't want to take any chances. 

"I'm so proud of you. I love you, my little warrior," I spoke softly into her ear and then kissed the back of her head right over her scar.

"I love you too Demi," she said and then grabbed onto my hand that was over her waist. She snuggled back into me. To my relief she fell asleep almost instantly. The warmth and love came back. I fell asleep with a smile on my face and my baby girl in my arms. Life is so good.

A/N

So I just wanted to thank you guys for your comments on the last chapter. They made me so happy:) I was smiling so big I thought my face was gonna explode! Like my Demi reference? Haha. But seriously they made me so happy. I'm not sure how I want to include Nick in the story, but I know I want him in it, so if anyone has any suggestions for Nicks role then please either inbox me or comment them. 

Oh yeah, and today I'm one month clean:) If you struggle with self harm, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, or anything else please know that it does get easier. Stay strong, I believe in you<3