The Great Escape || a.i. *completed & editing*

1.6

I woke up and got dressed in shorts and a shirt, leaving my hair down and eating breakfast before going out into the backyard and laying on the trampoline.

My stomach was twisted in a knot and I kept thinking about my date with Calum and my conversation with Ashton. I knew I liked Calum, I really did. He was so sweet and nice and everything, and I trusted him. But then there was Ashton... And I can't even describe my feelings for Ashton.

They were strong, I knew that. I knew I had strong feelings for Ashton but I couldn't place exactly what they were, and Ashton admitting (kind of) that he loved me last night threw my emotions way out of whack.

So I laid on the trampoline, overthinking all of this.

"Hey," I heard Ashton off to my left climbing onto the trampoline with me.

"Hey," I said back, sitting up and trying to push my now staticky hair. Giving up, I pushed it out of my face.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Thinking," I said, looking at my feet in front of me.

"About what?"

"You... Calum... Life."

"When I think about life, it never seems to end well with me," he said. "90% of the time it puts me into a depression and then I--" he stopped.

"Then you what?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said, looking away.

"No," I said. "Now I want to know. You have to tell me right now."

"I've never told anyone this before, Sarah," he said. "You have to promise this stays between you and me and it goes no further. And I am not proud of it in any way."

"What is it?" I asked. "You know I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to."

He took a deep breath and held his arm out to me. He started taking off the bracelets on his wrists that I hadn't even noticed before, revealing slits on his wrists.

I covered my mouth, unable to breathe.

"Ashton..." was all I could manage to barely get out.

He looked at me with tears in his eyes. "You can't tell anyone."

I shook my head. "Why?"

"I don't know," he said, putting the bracelets back on. "I just... It helps me to kind of take away the pain. It helps calm me down when I get frustrated about how shitty my life turned out."

My heart shattered at his words, and I couldn't stop the tears falling down my cheeks now. How could I have been so clueless not to notice this before?

"You don't have such a bad life now," I said. "I mean... Your mom loves you, and so does your step dad."

"I know," he said. "But when I think about the past... I just wish my dad hadn't left us. I think that's where most of my anger comes from. My dad leaving, like if he hadn't left I wouldn't be the screwed up mess that I am now."

"Ashton, you don't have to cut yourself anymore," I said. "I'm here, you can talk to me. You can vent, you can even yell at me if you want to."

"I'm not going to put you through that," he said. "There would be too many harsh words, I don't want you to experience that."

"What are friends for, Ashton?" I asked. "We're one now. If you hurt, I hurt. If you cry, I cry. If you're happy, I'm happy."

"If I cut..." He stopped and looked at me, tears pouring down his cheeks. "Don't," he whispered.