Hallelujah

chapter sixty-four

Everyone sat silently in our living room. No one had said a word since I had gotten back. Hannah was squished up next to me and Brendon sat across from us with his head down. Pete anxiously flicked his lighter on and off while Patrick intently watched the flame. Dallon had his eyes closed but I could tell he wasn't asleep. Ryan paced back and forth in-front of us.

"Brendon," I said quietly. He looked up and gave me a worried look almost as if he knew what I was about to say. "What happened between you and Spencer?"

Everyone looked up at me then to Brendon. He took a deep breath and looked around at everyone.

"It's time to tell her dude," Dallon said.

"Spencer and I used to be really close," he started. Everyone sat back and got ready for the story that would finally explain everything that had been going on since I met Brendon the ups and the downs.

"Back in 9th grade is when him and I started to get super close, of course that was also right around the time my mom started getting sick. Spencer stuck with me through that but he also started to introduce me into drinking and smoking and stuff." Brendon stopped for a second and took another breath. "Spencer's brother was a dealer, my dealer. And I owed him money and apparently he owed money too. One day I went out to meet Jamie, his brother, so I could pick up some stuff. I went to our usual spot, under the highway, and when I got there no one was there. Jamie showed up a half an hour late, and he was wasted. I mean wasted. He was gone, I tried to talk to him but he wasn't taking it. He started yelling at me about the money I owed him and I tried explaining that I had the money with me and I was there to pay him, but he couldn't comprehend it. He kept screaming at me which started to attract people, and before I could process what was happening he started swinging a knife at me. I had no clue where it had come from r why he was acting this way. I tried calming him down but he kept running at me. I pulled out a small pocket knife I kept with me for emergencies only and I held it in front of me for self defense. I never meant to get near him, all I had the knife for was so he wouldn't come at me. But he did," he suddenly became quiet and looked at me dead in the eye. "He ran at me so quick that I didn't have time to move my knife out of the way, and he ran right into it."

No one said anything. Dallon and Ryan looked down at the ground and Hannah shivered at the thought of it.

"You killed him?" I asked, my voice unsteady.

"I didn't mean to, I never meant to," he said.

"But you did, you killed him," I said.

"Yes," he stated.

"Why aren't you in jail?" I asked almost angry now.

"Spencer knew I was the only person that was with Jamie that night, he blacked mailed my family with it in order to get money. My dad paid him a lot of money, because god forbid anyone find out what I did," he said.

"Because you're the pastors son," Hannah chimed it. Brendon nodded.

"I hate this story," Ryan said quietly.

"Me too," I said.

"And since that day Spencer promised he was going to ruin my life, he promised me he would take away everything I loved. I told him that the joke was on him though because I never loved anything or anyone," he paused. "Well till I met you."

"I looked at him sadly and stood up and walked over to him. I wanted to smack him so hard and scream at him but I couldn't. Instead all I could do was give him a hug.

There was a slight beeping that came from Patrick's laptop and he cleared his throat.

"Um, I hate to ruin this moment but Spencer's phone just came on the grid again."

"You guys have to leave, you need to go stay somewhere for a while until Spencer settles this." Pete said acting as if he was the mastermind behind hiding me from Spencer.

"Pete is right, you guys need a break from this crazy real world, you need time to yourselves," Hannah said smiling at me.

"We should get packing then," Brendon said looking at me. I nodded and him and I went into his room to pack him a bag.

I sat on the edge of his bed and looked around the room. Everything was so familiar. I watched him stuff a suitcase with clothes and socks and hair products. I glanced at the nightstand next to me and saw an envelope. I picked it up and pulled the letter out reading it silently to myself.

Brendon turned around and saw me and I looked at him surprised.

"You got into NYU?" I asked trying to keep the tears from my eyes.

"I was waiting to tell you, but I guess now is a better time than ever. I got accepted to NYU, and I found an apartment out in New York for us and it's perfect and we can have dogs and it can be so beautiful-" I cut him off.

"Brendon, I got into UCLA," I said plainly. His facial expression dropped and he stared at me.

"I, Um, Well, I'm so proud of you! You wanted that so bad," he said unenthused.

"I'm sorry I didn't know you applied to NYU," I said.

"It's fine no big deal, I can go somewhere closer to LA so I can be by you, no biggie!" he said.

"No Brendon, you were genuinely really excited about going to NYU, you can't give that up just so you can live closer to me," I said as furrowed my brows at him.

"But Alex, I don't think I could stand to be away from you, especially not almost 3,000 miles from you, I would be on the other side of the country," he said sitting down next to me.

"Brendon I would never be able to live with myself if you stayed just for me," I said.

"It's not just for you, it's for me too. I can get a music degree anywhere," he said.

"Brendon you can't just-" he cut me off with a kiss.

"Alex, we still have all summer to decide about this, let's not argue about it now," he said. "Plus we have to go to your house and get you a bag." He grabbed my hand and pulled me up and into a hug.

We drove over to my house and I started packing a bag, the entire time my mind stayed on the college thig though. It was bothering me so much and I didn't know what to do. Brendon sat on my bed as he watched me pack. I pulled out the leather jacket from him from the beginning of the year and held it in my hands and started to cry.

"Alex?" Brendon said. I turned around and looked at him.

"Do you ever think that maybe we weren't meantto be together?"�5���T