Hallelujah

chapter forty-four

Now you might be thinking I'm not the person who just goes around and fools around with random guys from bars in Vegas. You're right; I would never fool around with just some random guy. I don't remember getting here all I knew was that I had to get out before I figured out what happened last night. My head was pounding and I cursed myself under my breath for drinking as much as I did. I slipped out from under the covers and was relieved to find myself still fully clothed. I grabbed my shoes and headed towards the door trying my best to not make a noise but knowing my clumsy self I had to stub my toe on the TV stand.

"You know the amount of times I woke up next to you with a hangover is starting to scare me," I heard Brendon say with his eyes still closed.

"I could say the same to you," I said still heading towards the door.

"You don't have to worry Alex, we didn't do anything. You just called me and you were wasted so I took you back to my room. You tried to make a move but I wouldn't let you. I didn't want to risk this "friends" thing we're doing," he said laughing a little and finally opening his eyes. "I planned on sleeping on the couch but you kept complaining that you were cold and needed someone to cuddle. I tried giving you excessive amounts of pillows but you just started crying so I held you till you finally passed out." He got out of bed, fully clothed like me, and stretched his arms out.

"Oh, I remember now," I said embarrassed. I don't remember what I had said but I remembered the events. I just prayed that whatever I had said wasn't too embarrassing. "Um, well I'm going to head up to the room and get cleaned up. Meet us up there?" I asked. He nodded and I headed out.

"Alex," he said before I was all the way out the door. I turned around and looked at him. "I'm going to make this friend thing work, I promise," he said smiling. I smiled back and left the room.

I took a deep breath before entering my room. I was greeted by all of my friends who looked like messes.

"Oh thanks for the texts confirming you were alive," Hannah said.

"Sorry," I said looking down.

"Where did you go last night?" Dallon asked.

"Um, well I played some blackjack, then some slots, won some money, took one too many shots and almost made a really big mistake." I paused and they all looked at me waiting for details. "But I didn't and that's all that matters, I'm fine I just need to get cleaned up." I walked into the bathroom and got in the shower. I heard the door open and I poked my head out of the shower to find Hannah sitting on the sink counter.

"Can I help you?" I asked disappearing behind the curtain.

"Alex, have you ever been in love?" she asked seriously.

"What?" I choked up. Love wasn't really a word I wanted to use at the moment.

"Like, have you ever loved someone? Been in love with someone?" she asked.

"Well, I mean, I guess once maybe," I wanted to avoid this conversation so bad but she seemed really curious.

"Why is it so hard?"

"Wait what?" I asked shutting off the water and wrapping myself in a towel.

"I think I'm in love with Dallon. I never wanted to fall in love with him. I just thought he was cute and we could fool around and stuff, the friends with benefits type thing," she said playing with the hem of her shirt. "But recently I just started feeling different, he makes me feel so different and it's like a good different. It's amazing actually but I'm terrified. This wasn't how I wanted it to go, but I can't picture myself without him now." She looked on the verge of tears and I sat down on the edge of the tub making sure to keep my towel tightly wrapped around me. What she was describing was exactly how I had felt about Brendon and I was so happy and scared for her at the same time.

"I don't know what to tell you Han. All I can say is that from the way Dallon looks at you he wants you just as much as you want him. You two just kind of fit with each other, like puzzle pieces. You both have these quirky edges but you fit so perfectly and together you make something really beautiful. Seeing you two together is like a candid photo every second." I said honestly. "And one day I could totally see yo and him together living in a house near the city with some kids running around and just looking back at all these memories you made. It wouldn't surprise me if he felt the exact same as you do right now."

"What about when you fell in love?" she asked. I wouldn't say I exactly fell in love with Brendon, but it was something different.

"I wouldn't say I was actually in love with someone. I was more in love with the feeling. The rush I felt when I was with him. I loved the good things and the bad things, which is what made it so complicated. And that's really where I went wrong, I fell in love with the wrong person. I fell in love with someone who was no good for me. But Dallon, I think Dallon is the perfect one for you," I said trying to take my mind off my problems and onto helping Hannah with hers.

"I really think so too," she said hoping off the counter. "Thanks dude, I knew being friends with you would pay off one day," she joked. "Now get dressed so we can go home."

She left me in the bathroom and I looked at myself in the mirror.

"Friends," I whispered to myself. "Just friends."

I got ready quickly and we were on our way back into town. The car was less crowded because Pete and Ryan decided to ride with Brendon back while Dallon, Hannah and I rode with Patrick. We decided to go to Ryan's for a bit and just all hang out, like we were doing before all these problems.

I was standing outside overlooking the backyard just reliving all the memories I had made back here. All the memories I had made in this house.

"So um, I guess you're probably going to want your stuff back," Brendon said walking out next to me.

"Uh, yeah I guess. I think I'll just be staying with Hannah for a bit. Maybe I'll get my own place soon or something," I said uncomfortably.

"Okay well you can stop by anytime. My door is always open and you obviously know where the spare key is," he laughed. I blushed a little and then I looked at him and tilted my head a bit.

"About the note you left, how did you know we would find it? Weren't you worried we wouldn't think of interrupting your pity party?" I asked. I was curious as to how he could have possibly planned it so perfectly.

"You know me better than anyone Alex. You're a smart girl," he smiled. "I didn't expect it to happen so quick though. I thought maybe three weeks tops."

"I wouldn't let you struggle for three weeks by yourself," I said quietly. "Was it really a note? Or was it a poem or a song or something? I know you put untitled on the top, and the way it was written Ryan kind of assumed it was a song."

"Yeah, it was a really rough draft of a song I was working on for the past month," he said disappointed. "I changed a lot of it though, fixed it up a bit. Rewrote some lines."

"Can I hear it sometime?" Brendon was really talented and he had a way with words and I thought the original was good so I wondered what he could possibly have changed.

"Here," he said pulling out a crumpled paper from his pocket. "I finished it the other day, I don't have music for it yet, but these are the final lyrics."

"Vegas Lights," I read off the top of the page. "Um, I'll read it when I get back to Hannah's." I knew if I tried reading it now I would probably cry and I really was tired of crying.

"Let me know how it goes," he said pulling me into a side hug.

"I'm really glad you're okay," I said.

"I am too," he let out a sigh. "I am too."

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