Hallelujah

chapter sixteen

"Hannah stranded me," I said chuckling a bit.

"And I was your last resort?" he asked.

"No, but," I stopped getting quiet. We stood there for a while, me in the hallway, him in the door way, just standing there in silence. "Um, Brendon," I said. He looked up at me, "can I come inside?" I asked. He opened the door more and I walked inside. He closed the door behind us and I followed him into the living room.

I thought I was a mess but this boy had papers scattered everywhere. There were cans lying all over the floor and the room reeked of cigarette smoke. I took a deep breath and looked at him.

"Look I'm sorry," I said. He was staring at the floor just sitting quiet. "Brendon." He turned his head and looked at me unamused. "I really am sorry," I said as I sat back biting at my finger nails.

"If Hannah told you to say that you can cut the shit," he said standing up and walking into the kitchen.

"Hannah didn't tell me to say anything!" I said following him. "I am capable of speaking on my own you know," I said getting a little angry now.

"Sure you can," he scoffed.

"Well at least I don't sleep around to feel better about myself." As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted it. He turned around slowly and looked at me with a hurt look.

"You really think I wanted to turn out this way?" he said.

"No, Brendon I didn't mean it like that," I said trying to fix the mess I had just released.

"No it's fine, at least I'm not a goody two shoes church girl whose never had an inch of fun in her life," he said not looking at me.

"Hey that is not true!" I yelled back.

"Tell me one exciting thing that's happened in your like Alex!" he yelled.

"I've done a lot of exciting things and how many times do I have to tell you it's Alexandria!" I said back. I didn't get angry often but I was getting really worked up now.

"Oh my god, here we go again with the fucking Alexandria thing," he said rolling his eyes. "Why would you even want to go by Alexandria that's literally just asking for goody two shoes problems?"

"I have a reason alright!" I said. I really didn't want to talk about it. It wasn't something I liked talking about. "But this isn't about me. This is about you and how you always fuck up good things in your life. You won't let anything good happen! You just push good things away. All you want is sex, just so you can keep up your image. I might be a goody two shoes but I can see right through your stupid act Brendon Urie!" I yelled this time.

"Whoa hold up, I do not just go around fucking girls because I want to keep my "Bad Boy" image. I fuck people because they want me too! I can't help that I'm irresistible," he said getting angry.

"Oh my god Brendon," I said, "I can't do this. I'm leaving," I said as I walked out of the kitchen. He ran towards me and pulled me back though.

He pushed me against the wall and kissed me but I pulled away.

"You can't just kiss me and make things better Brendon! Life doesn't work that way!"

"Oh my god! What else do you want me to do? Build a shrine to you? Propose? Tell me Alexandria what more do you want me to do!" he yelled. His eyes were full of sadness and I was so confused. "I already told you I liked you! I let you break me! You won okay? What else is there for me to do?" he screamed.

"I don't know Brendon I'm just as confused as you are!" I yelled back.

"No you're not because if you wanted me you could have me! That's how I work because everybody does that!"

"Brendon I don't get why I'm so different! Why are you going after me? You're still dating Maddy! You literally could have any girl in the whole fucking school! What are you doing going after me?" I yelled.

"I don't know!"

"Why are you so worked up over this? Just go get a different girl! That's how you work," I said.

"Because I can't have you! It's driving me insane because I could have anyone else I wanted but I don't want anyone else. The literal only person I want is you and I can't have you! Don't you see you're making me go insane!" he screamed. Then it hit me.

Brendon wasn't just trying to use me, he was sincere. He wanted me so bad and I was causing him all this pain. Because he couldn't have me.

"Brendon," I said calming down now, "I'm sorry it's just you're so," I started but he stopped me.

"I know I'm no good, you said so yourself," he said throwing his head into his hands.

"What?" I asked.

"That night we first kissed, after the Spencer thing. We were sitting on the balcony and I told you he was no good and you said "you're no better." You don't think I know that I'm no good? I know I spent my whole life getting anyone I wanted but then you walk into my life and you actually made me feel something."

I walked over to him and laughed as I took his head out of his hands. I leaned down next to him and gave him a light kiss.

"You might be no good for me but that doesn't mean I'm any better," I said. He stood up and stared at me.

"You Miss Alexandria are definitely no good for me," he said walking closer to me. I felt my back press up against the wall and I started breathing heavily.

My mind took a flashback back to three weeks ago when this exact thing happened in the church bathroom.

"Brendon," I said quietly.

"Don't ruin it Alex," he said putting his arms on either side of my head. My heart rate sped up and I looked him in the eye. His usual brown eyes looked even darker now.

"Alexandria," was all I could say before he kissed me.