The Words That Saved The One He Loved

Chapter 7: When Icarus Answered

   It has been a few weeks since Yuuri sent his message to "Icarus," but he still received no reply, last time he checked. Lately, Yuuri hasn't been getting a lot of sleep, the thoughts of the night and some of his memories still haunted him in his sleep. He knew Phichit and the others were asleep at this time, so he chose to not disturb them. Instead, he grabbed his hoodie, phone, wallet, and earphones before leaving his room.

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    Grey clouds dominated the morning sky, only leaving little patches of sunlight. Yuuri sat down on the sand, the view of the beach, which was near the apartment, laid before him. Yuuri scrunched his toes, feeling the softness of the sand as he bestowed his gaze to the far off horizon. Yuuri watched as the waves overlapped one another, making the white bubbly crests descend, masking the shore with the transparent ocean water. Yuuri puts on his earphones, drowning himself in the music. 

"Why does life have to be such a pain in the ass?" Yuuri thought as he was mesmerized by the rhythmic percussion of the waves.

   It has been so long since Yuuri has been purely happy, he forgot how it felt like. How it felt to be grateful to be alive, to be free from any worries, to not care about what others think of you, to say "I'm okay" and actually mean it, and most of all to not fake a smile. Yuuri wondered how his parents were doing, he hoped that they were dealing with his grandmother's death better than he was. Yuuri was not able to go to the funeral due to a lot of university work, but even if he were free, he still wouldn't want to go to it. He didn't want to be surrounded by "sorry for your loss" phrases or sad, pitiful faces. He hated when people pitied him, it annoyed him. Yuuri felt the tears build up in his eyes again, "What did I ever do to deserve this?" Yuuri turned the volume up, hoping it would wash the thoughts away, but they were still there, luring in the shadows of his brain.

Just then, he received an email and his organs flipped when he was the name: "Icarus." He unlocked his phone and started reading Icarus's response.

"Dear Yuuri,

             First of, let me just say that I'm sorry for your loss, must be horrible to lost two people (by people I mean one human and one dog) dear to you. I hope your family is doing okay.

    Anyways, university is stressful, I know because I was once a university student too. Sometimes it just makes you want to pull your hair out, scream until there's nothing left, or even worse things, but trust me when I say this: it will all be worth it once you get out of university. I wanted to drop out, things in university were getting THAT bad, but staying in university made my life a whole lot easier. So my advice for you there is keep up the good work. As long as you got good expectations, then you're better than "good," you're practically safe from bad things happening in the future, because this shows that you got good things ahead of you, you have people that believe in you. So don't see their expectations as something to stress about, but as cheerleaders or lame (but great) motivation quotes you see online. I'll be cheering for you :)

    Secondly, about the topic of death in your situation, you have every right to be sad or depressed and whatnot, but do yourself a favor and don't hold all of that sad, negative emotions inside. I learned a long time ago that letting your emotions out (whether it was crying or by ranting) was A LOT better than keeping them in. When you keep it in, you get this aching feeling in your chest and trust me, it is not pleasant. Talking to me was one step, maybe try opening up to a friend or family member or me if you want! I'll give you my LINE ID. You don't have to fight battles alone you know, you would be easily defeated that way.

Additionally, people die all the time, whether people like it or not,  and I don't think your grandmother would want you to be sad and sulk around. I think she would want you to be happy instead and she would want you to continue to work hard. I'm sure she would be happy if you kept doing what you're doing. 

Life is stressful and it could be crappy once in a while, but life is like a piano. You have the black keys and the white keys, but both of them are necessary to make music. Maybe you're only seeing the black keys now, but later on (even if it's happening slowly), you'll start seeing the white keys. I hoped my advice helped. 

P.S. If you want my LINE ID just say so.

                                                                                                                                                      -Icarus"