WILL YOU FORGIVE (ManxMan/MPreg.)

30.CHAPTER

30.CHAPTER

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Dmitry Point of View:

How you ever feel like you are stuck in a hole that you for some insane reason dug for yourself? If so, you should know how I feel right about now, as I gaze over at the silent profile of my little love; from where I'm sitting I cannot help but think about how close he is to me yet at the same time so far and it seems that there is nothing I can do to remedy the situation, and that knowledge alone has become torturous to me. At this very moment I love Zion Baker more than ever and my love has only continue to grow, just being in the same space with him makes me feel so at peace, even when he is screaming and or attacking me I feel at peace, because I know that deep down he still feels something for me, if he didn't I would have never been able to get him to respond to me the way he does.

I don't care what he says, I know he feels something for me, though it really hurts me deeply when he says that he don't, today when he brought up the past and tossed everything I stupidly said back then into my face along with his speech of not loving me anymore, I could only cringe and hold in my hurt the best way I could while he emotionally brought me down to my knees but as soon as he walked out of my room I nearly broke down like a child; to hear him repeat the hurtful words I said to him on that unfaithful day, was like a knife piercing me deep and ripping out my insides, I felt cold and inhuman, my heart begun to race and my mind could only bring up that day and the conversation that we had, over and over again, I felt as if I had been transported through time, to where I was back at my hotel apartment, saying distasteful and hurtful things to him, ripping his heart apart and watching him crumble before my eyes as I did the unthinkable that day.

Words cannot describe how I felt at that very moment, tears had started down my cheeks with a steady trail, at first the tears were just a trickle then after a short time is was as if someone has broken a dam, I cried like a baby, I cried for my stupid words and actions, I cried for all the hurt I caused him, I cried for not being there for and with him when he needed me the most, I cried for the lost time with him and my daughter as a family, but most importantly, I cried for the love we once had for each other that seems to be gone. I still have that deep love for him and I cannot stop myself from loving him even more but I am not sure about his love anymore and I cant blame him for it because I pushed him to this point with my actions and decisions. My only hope for us is that he reconsider his decision to leave after the two months are up, which by the way are quickly approaching even if I don't want them to, but I also know that I wont interfere when its his time to leave and he decides to do so.

It would be stupid of me to give him another reason to hate me, a reason that he really don't need at the moment seeing that his platter is already packed with my past and my most recent transgressions. Transgressions that he will soon be demanding an answer for. Gods! I really don't know what to do right now, I am sandwich between a rock and a hard place and it seems that everyday the little space I have to maneuver gets smaller and smaller and I cannot help but think that maybe I should let him go yet at the same time I immediately squash that idea because I know that there is just noway that I could ever let him go, even if he leaves me, I would never be able to let him go. He will always be mine and I will always be his even if he don't want me, which he don't at the moment, gosh, just that thought alone is making me depress, the only thing that is in my favor is that he enjoys our sexual encounters just as much as I do.