excerpts

19.1

I,

Consumed by image,

Soon there'll be nothing left to cobble, to scrimmage

The evil rears,

Oh dear,

I'll shrivel up inside,

I'll be nothing and I,

A corpse,

A poster child, for when people point and say

DON'T BE LIKE HER SHE'S GONE INSANE!

I see my hair falling out in strands

My ribs making dents in skin and

Always feeling empty

Always feeling sick

My head won't cease to spin

As long as I'm stuck in this skin

The tears it's brought

The fears I've wrought

Are none compared to the final plight

Where I a lonely girl continue to fight fight FIGHT

I,

Trapped inside my mind,

A desperate message I find,

It hard to communicate

When it is much too late

Things I never said

Not better left unsaid

The words clawing to get out of my head

Staying stuck in my bones instead

New ways to rip open old scars

Old ways to crash new cars

I'm seeing double

You're seeing fine

This girl in the mirror

How say you does she appear

Gaps and blanks, an unfilled coloring book

Toothpick skeleton, a freak made framework

You screech and preach but your screams fall short and

All I see are spaces that shouldn't be filled in

Imperfection in the form of unpaid affection

If I seek to dream, I falter

The reality before me I cannot alter,

They say I must tame my demons but

They wear no harness and must be cut

Cherry red slipping from my blade,

I bleed and they masquerade,

The high of pain gives them away,

Never smiling, but that's all they need to say

Lows too low

My mood takes a blow

Ingrown

From home

My dark cloak, unshakeable

My shackles, unbreakable

Like only you matter

But you don't

And like

This will never matter

But it does

I,

Perpetual heartbreak,

A mix of toxic heartache,

And one too many shots of mistake

In the end it is only me inside there

Screaming screams for nobody to hear

Siphon away the indescribable shade

The clouds cutting off my sunny days

Sitting here in the rain

Trying to wash away my pain

It tumbles onto me, bricks

This memory, it will always stick

Wrongs unrighted

Plans unsighted

Trains derailing

Before thoughts are sailing

Hopeless, trapped

I'll likely be scrapped

Torments spinning

Demons winning

Pills I can't swallow slipping

Because the insanity is inside of me

And the only way out is to leave.