The Pack Slut

Chapter 57

Kendrick's POV.

"I've had a long talk with her and she says she's willing to try working at accepting physical contact from men again, to learn that not everyone man wants to take advantage of her. We've decided it will be easier to start with me as I can help keep her and her wolf calm and then we will take it from there. As we all know she has already had a few episodes and she's progressing well but I'm thinking it's time we change things us." I explain to Warren, Dan and Lana. we discuss the plan in his office down stairs while Felicity takes a nap, her body and mind must be exhausted from the work it's doing to retrieve her memories. Every time I see her she looks more and more tired each day, it kills me to see her like this.

Since I've met her she's always been so 'put together' but now her clothes are whatever she throws on and her hair is unkept, it's like she's lost and doesn't know what to do with herself anymore. I see her each day trying to remember what she's forgetten while trying to force herself to be close to others. It's been six weeks, it's hard but so far she has started to remember Lana and even allows physical contact from her, but when we tried it with Warren the look of fear on her face and the tension in her body caused her to be throw up the food we finally got her to eat. That another thing that has changed, her mind and body is on high on overdrive that she can't even keep her food down. When the three of us are in her room I can feel her eyes on me and the disappointment she has in herself, I just had to leave the room for a few minutes. Not because I didn't care but because I was so close to breaking I didn't want her to see me upset and feel worse about the progress she's made. She's progressed so much, I don't want her to be setback.

When I came back in the room I could see her watching me to see my reaction, I sent her a supportive smile and watched as her body relaxed. Today we're going to try it with me but this time instead of us trying to touch her I've got a new idea. I researched over the past few days about other people who have been in similar situations and it says that a lot of the time the person has had a lack of control in their own life and sometimes what helps them in recovery is when you give that control back. I've decided to try it.

I walk into her room, it's just the two of us. She looks up from the book she's reading as she hears me enter, by the looks of it she's about half way through the story. I decide to keep things light for now. I walk to the seat near the bed but not too close and sit down while she saves her page with a bookmark and sets it aside. "What book are you reading?" 

"Emma by Jane Austin, Lana recommended it to me, she says it's her favourite book." I nod my head and smile, "and do you like it?" She suddenly becomes all excited and animated, talking with her hands in the air and a sweet smile on her face. "Yeah its really funny, Emma keeps trying to play matchmaker for a new friend but keeps failing and making mistakes. Of course her childhood friend Mr. Knightly- who is actually quite a few years older than her- sees this and thinks it is a foolish game she's playing. At one point she even embarrasses someone who has much less money than her in front of a small group of friends and Mr. Knightly being the gentleman he is scolds her kindly and she's instantly ashamed of her behaviour. He's always looking out for her, making sure she stays true to who she is and cares for those less fortunate. That's as far as I've gotten so far, I can't wait to find out what happens next."

I chuckle at her excitement, seeing a shine enter her eyes and her face light up; she has no idea how beautiful she really is. "I'm glad to hear you're enjoying that story, I've heard it's a very popular one. I think there is a movie of it too." She leans towards me, forgetting her shyness for a split second "really?! I have to see it when I'm finished the book!" Suddenly she leans back, the smile and emotion disappearing as if someone popped a balloon. "Wh-why are you here?" She won't even look up into my eyes and an ache enters my chest but I brush it away quickly, remembering my plan and hoping everything works out for the best.

"I know you don't like me touching you so I did some research, reading medical documents and articles that discuss your...situation and I've realized that we need to change how we've been doing things. Now I want to ask you some questions but only answer with what you're comfortable with, don't feel you have to answer unless you want to, okay?" She nods her head at me and raises her eyes to slightly meet mine, I give a small warm smile at her to show my sincerity. "Alright well did you ever feel in control of what you wanted?" She shakes her head at me, "did you feel listened to when you said no to something?" Again she shakes her head at me but this time I see a tear drop from her left eye, all I want to do is lean forward and wipe it away. "Do you want to be in control of your body and heart? Do you want to feel like you're in control and choose what's right for you?" I hear her gasp in sorrow, covering her mouth as she weeps at what she wants but has never had the chance of getting.

"Felicity, can you please look at me?" Slowly she lifts her pained and tear filled eyes to mine, "I want to help you feel confident in yourself, to give you the courage to fight for what you want. Never again will you feel the way you did all those years ago. Now you will be able to say what you want and to whom, you never have to go through any of that again." Her crying increases and she wraps her arms around herself tightly as if attempting to hold herself together and trying to stop the breaking of her heart.

"I want to give you that sense of comfort in your own body and mind. So this is what I've thought about. Instead of us trying to touch you I want you to make the first move. We can sit here all day or all week and each day you can choose when you want to touch me. I figure it will be easiest with me since I am your mate and you may be more open to it because of the bond we have. Do you want to try it? If not, we can try something else." Her eyes meet mine and for the first time I see determination, to fight the pain in her life that has been inflicted on her, it makes me so proud to see how much she wants to do this.

"I will try, I'm tired of being scared, I'm tired of wanting to touch you but being to scared to even allow you near me. I want to try this, it may take a while, I'm not sure how long it will take but if I don't I may never get to be with you and I want that so much. I just hope you will be patient with me."

I slowly lean forward so I don't scare her and keep looking into her eyes with an open expression, I let the love I feel for her speak through my lips. "Felicity, my Felicity. We have all the time in the world. I will wait till forever if it means I get to finally hold you." A blush rises to her cheeks, I never thought I would see this. When I first met her she was so confident and beautiful standing there across the stage from me, looking like she owned the place. I want my confident Felicity back, but I want the real Felicity, I want the one that she never got to show the world. I know in time she will heal bit by bit, she just has to believe she can do it, and I know she can.

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Ah! Another update!! What do you think? The story started with the journey of her pain, now it will be her journey to recovery. For those of you who have gone through abuse I am so sorry that you went through that but just as there is pain there is a time for healing too. Allow yourself to heal and don't hold back, because even if you don't realize it you are loved. Sometimes you just have to go and get it, look for it and hopefully each day it will get better. I hope you never give up, because I won't. We are all beautiful and pain is temporary, we just have to let it go and keep looking for the beauty we so rightly deserve.

-Viorra