Lock & Key *Camren*

Chapter 21

Sorry guys my mind has just been like a huge blank canvas!!

Lauren's POV:

I dive on the bed straddling Camila's waist, she's rest her hands on my hips starring up at me, I smile down at her biting my lip.

"What do you think you're doing?" She asks arching her brow. 

"Sitting on my girlfriend, is that okay?" I pout innocently. 

"Not when I know you have something else in mind" Camila shook her head biting back a smile. 

"I have no idea what you're talking about" I whisper smirking moving my face closer to hers.

"Oh really" she grabs my hips flipping us over so she is hovering above me. 

I smirk looking up at her. 

"I said don't get any ideas" she said letting me go and sitting back up in bed. 

"But baaaabbbeeee" I whined. 

She laughed and shook her head. 

"No Lauren" she grabbed the remote flicking on the tv searching for a film to watch.

I sighed and crawled over to her resting my head on her chest wrapping my arms around her stomach and my leg over lapping hers. 

"See this is okay" she smiled kissing my head. 

"So was the other thing" I pout. 

"Not yet Lauren okay" she sighed. 

"Hmmm" I let a sigh fall from my lips, i know that she is right, and i don't know what has come over me, but i just want her, i need her. 

Camila finally settled the tv on Charlie St. Cloud and we both sat and practically sobbed our hearts out.
It's such a beautiful film, plus Zac Efron is extremely hot, so there was clearly no complaints from me watching him. 

"Baby" I said looking up at Camila once the film had finished. 

Her hand was running through my hair and I just felt so peaceful. 

"Yeah" she smiled down at me. 

"Hi" I bit my lip and she giggled. 

"Hey Lolo" she smiled. 

"I love it when you play with my hair" I admitted. 

"I love playing with your hair" she smiled. 

I rested my head back down on her chest, I ran my hand down and rested it on my thigh slowly tracing my scars with the tip of my finger.

"Lauren?" Camila spoke with a questioning tone. 
"Yeah?"
"What are you thinking about?" She asked her hand stilling in my hair for a brief moment before starting up her movements again. 

I turned my head to look at her again and gave her a small smile. 

"Nothing Camzi" I said resting my head on her chest again. 

"You would tell me if you had the urge right" she asked. 

I just nodded my head not answering.

Would I tell her? I mean right now I do kind of have the urge, just running my hand over my old scars makes me want to do it, but I have no reason to do I?

I have miss Karla Camila Cabello as my girlfriend and she is wonderful, I have my other 3 girls Dinah, Mani and Ally, I am on the X factor live shows living my dream, my life is amazing right now I have no reason to cut.

Except for all the hate I'm getting on twitter, yeah that's a reason, and that I killed my baby, my own flesh and blood just flushed away down the toilet as if it never existed, what kind of person am I? Who does that?

The urge is strong now, I can feel it running through my veins, the voices in my head telling me to go to the bathroom, just one small cut, that's all it take right?

But it won't just be one small cut, because once you do it one time you do it again and again and again, until you're covered in blood and you feel all light headed and woozy and relaxed in a weird way, it brings me peace, because while I'm dragging that blade across my skin, the voices go away for awhile and I'm alone.

I need to cut, I need to feel that cold sharp piece of metal on my skin, I have to, yes.

I sat up and went to get out of the bed but I froze, no Lauren you're stronger than this, ignore those voices, I looked over at Camila and she continued to lay down looking at me confused.

I heard a sob leave my mouth and I crawled into Camila's arms burying my head in her chest and just crying, I gripped her shirt as the tears fell from my eyes, she held on to me tightly, drawing patterns on my back soothing me.

"It's the voices isn't it?" She asked in a whisper and I just nodded not wanting to speak. 

"It's okay baby, just ignore them, I'm right here I won't let them get to you I promise, but I need you to promise me you'll tell me, I knew you was thinking about it when I asked you and you didn't tell me, Lauren you have to okay, I can't help you if you don't" Camila spoke quietly in my ear holding me close in her arms. 
"I'm sorry, I will" I sobbed.
"It's okay baby calm down" Camila hushed drawing patterns on my back. 

She slowly rolled over so she was hovering above me, she wiped the tears away from my face, gently kissing both my cheeks, then my nose and finally my lips.

"I love you Lauren, and every single one of your battle wounds, you are stunningly beautiful baby, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes" she whispered pressing her lips to mine again.

In that moment I felt so loved, she put so much passion into the kiss I just didn't want it to end, I wrapped my arms tightly around her neck pulling her closer to me, pulling on her bottom lip asking for entrance which she granted, our tongues danced together fighting for dominance, I finally won and we broke apart from the kiss, she pulled on my bottom lip causing me to whimper.

"I love you Lauren Jauregui so much" Camila whispered starring into my eyes, the pad of her thumb caressing my cheek calming me. 

"I love you too princess" I responded. 

To be contined...