Shattered Memories. (Castiel x reader)

Resolve.

I walked behind Dean and Cas back inside. I couldn't shake this feeling that something really bad was going to happen. My feet carried me up the stairs. This was exactly how I lost my family. I was much younger then, but it was a feud between my father and brother that sparked a war between my clan. So much fighting, so much bloodshed. I was watched carefully the rest of the night. They talked about their plans. I drank nearly a bottle of of whiskey alone before they decided to go to bed. I sat in the kitchen alone. Cas walked over while I was finishing the bottle.

"You should get some rest, _____," he said.

"Why? Everyone who has helped me is marching to their deaths," I slurred.

"We will come back. I made a promise that-"

"I know, Cas. I know, but I want to help you guys. I can feel my strength returning. I can help."

"It's safer here."

"You're right," I said standing up, "it is."

My hand waved across his face as he fell unconscious to the floor. He made a surprising amount of noise. Half of the contents of the table went with him. I was gone before they could even get out of bed. The scenery around me was that of a city. I was off by a block. I started walking until I found an apartment. When I knocked two large demons met me at the door. They dragged me upstairs. A familiar presence sent fear into the pit of my stomach. I was shoved into a room.

"Castiel's little pagan pet, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Lucifer asked.

"Just came here to talk, nothing else," I said.

"We don't have anything to talk about. I know the Winchesters are coming and I know what they are planning."

I stepped forward, but he raised his hand sending me flying back. My body clung to the wall as he walked over. He looked me over and grinned.

"You've been with Caaaas~" he said in a sing song tone.

"We've been traveling together," I said.

"No, no. You've been with him. I didn't think my little brother was like that. Why don't you just hang around for awhile?"

He pointed to his goons and then at me. They pinned me to the ground. Lucifer's footsteps approached as a knife slipped from his side

"Airmid, Airmid. Healing and herbal remedies are nothing compared to the power angels have. You've always been out of your league in this fight. But," he smiled, "I have use of you yet. Don't worry, I won't kill you...yet. Give my brother this message for me."

"Who, or what, the hell is Airmid? My name is ____."

"Someone really did a number on you, didn't they? Or did my father try to give you a fresh start? How adorable that he cares so much for a pagan whore over his own child."

The knife sank into my skin. It burned. A sensation I hadn't felt in years. Atropa Belladonna, deadly nightshade. My father used it to poison my brother, but I mistakenly drank from the cup. My stomach burned for weeks after. It's highly toxic, especially when directly applied to an open wound. I tried to heal the wounds but I felt no relief. My voice screamed out as my fingernails dug into the rough, wooden floor. The were becoming raw from how hard I dug them against the floor. It was a long time before Lucifer stepped back expressing his appreciation for the moment. I panted on the floor. I could feel the wetness soaking my back.

"That should do," Lucifer grinned, "say hi to Cas for me."


Castiel fell to the ground and took the table with him. Dean, Sam and Bobby heard the noise and ran into the kitchen. Sadly my spells didn't last as long as a real angel's. Castiel took a few minutes to come to. Even as a fallen angel his magic didn't last long. In the library was a small bed. They dragged Castiel to it as he shook his head sitting on the edge. They asked him what happened, but he couldn't answer well. Time passed and Castiel understood what I was trying to do. Suddenly, my body collapsed on his. I slumped on his lap, my mouth just shy of his ear. He could hear my labored breathing. Dean, Sam and Bobby saw the blood that soaked my shirt. Bobby was the one who stepped forward and lifted it. They all stepped backwards.

"Cas, you should see this," Sam said.

"Hey, ____," Cas said, "____?"

There was no answer from me. Castiel turned me to the bed and set me face down. The other guys motioned to remove my shirt, but he hesitated to do so. As he lifted the back of the shirt he saw the message carved into my back. Enjoy your Pagan whore. Castiel touched the wound, but it wasn't healing. The blood was turning black as it ran from the wound.

"That's poison," Bobby said.

"I cannot heal her," Cas sighed, "it's my fault she did this."

"Cas, come on you didn't know-" Dean started.

"Of course I knew she would do this," his hand ran across my face softly, "she always hated fighting."

"So what? She thought she could just negotiate with the Devil?" Sam asked.

"Yes, exactly that."

"And she called us idiots," Dean scoffed.

"We have no other choice, we have to do this," Cas responded with a stern tone.

"Alright, let's head out," Dean said.

"What about _____?" Bobby asked.

"There is nothing else we can do for her right now," Cas responded.

The others left while Castiel sat by my side. His hand pushed the hair from my face. I furrowed my brow slightly. Cas smiled as my eyes half opened. His figure was blurry, but I knew it was him.

"Ca-" my throat was dry as I spoke, "Cas. Sorry."

"Why?"

"Stupid idea. Thought he'd listen."

"I know you had our best interests at heart."

"Please don't-" I started.

"I have to. They are my brothers. Will you be okay?"

"If you die..."

"I will be back. It's a promise. Just take care we will fix you when we get back."

He leaned down and gave a gentle kiss to my forehead. And then he was gone. Before I could say another word. I heard cars start and drive away. I pulled my body to the window as the cuts on my back tore slightly. I leaned my head to the cool glass and sighed.

"Come back safe, Cas," I murmured.

Something shuffled behind me. I spun, even though it hurt to do so, to see a familiar face behind me. It was the one who recruited me so long ago.

"Cas will die," he said solemnly.

"What? No!"

He raised his hand. I closed my mouth and advertised my eyes to the floor.

"His story has already been written, but yours hasn't," he stated hoping I would understand what he meant.

"What happened to God? Why did He want me here? Why am I even a part of this fight? He sent you to talk to me and bring me into this. Just tell me why, Chuck."

He grinned. That grin annoyed me. Like he knew everything. But where was God to quell his children's rages? They were fighting and dying. We Gods were petty creatures.

"You were never meant for the fight," Chuck smiled, "see Castiel, he is a good child, but too serious. He needed to learn to have some give in his personality and needs to think for himself. Yes, God does command him, but he is probably the loneliest of His children and He wanted more for him. You were lonely as well, were you not?"

"I was, but-"

"And you care for Castiel?"

"More than anything."

"Then let's see how this story plays out. Yours has yet to be written."

He poked my forehead in a joking manner. I closed my eyes and batted at his hands like a cat would with string. But when I opened my eyes he was gone. Mysterious as the day I met him. I thought on the idea for a moment. Cas will die, but my story was unwritten? It didn't make sense at first. Not until I realized. My wounds healed, everything I knew restored to new, maybe better. There was still a way I could save Cas, and the others.