Aubrey (Revolving With Axis)

085: Rafe

085:

Rafe

I thought it would be worse. The memories. I expected the memories to hit me hard, but they really didn't. I think because I expected them to, they were just there, and not a crashing nightmare.

Then again, my lovely fiancé never said a word. Her humility and graciousness kept me sane. I could breathe when I was with her. She wasn't pushing--- anything.

Church. The last time I'd really been to church was when I was seventeen. I'd been out on tour with Ben and Jeff for three months. And we'd given up on the church completely. But then one good Young Men's president had made one last real try. He called several times, he really talked a good line and eventually I'd said I would come.

But you know what? It was boring.

And I felt--- very judgmental. I watched people and they all seemed like holier than thou white supremists.

I think it was good that today in Juarez, the entire Sacrament meeting was in Spanish, even the songs. Ben came with us, and Aubrey's two body guards, Tim and Aidan, both nice guys, who spoke Spanish too, and were members of the church, younger dudes with normal looks, you'd never ever know they were body guards. They didn't look it at all. Tim was so good looking even I wanted to kiss him.

Then of course, Holli had me take two of our security guys as well. We'll just go with first names, since they aren't super important to our story except to know that they are here with us. Lavon, and Miguel, both Hispanic.

Aubrey. I don't know why it was a surprise to me that she spoke such fluent perfect Spanish, but it was. She said that many of her patients were Latino. We entered the Stake Center, and she didn't spend any time explaining anything to me, for which I was more grateful than I could ever express. The last thing I wanted was for it to be strained.

I just wanted to observe.

And she let me.

People were friendly. Some of them knew me. I had been on US National TV for ten years. My music was fairly popular, which didn't mean that people would know me, I realized, but some did. However, no one--- I repeat—no one made an issue out of it. They introduced themselves, Aubrey was friendly, but not overly so, the guys, all four of them and Ben were normal. I don't know why I expected it all to be awkward, but for Aubrey it was just a matter of fact, she was going to church. It was what she did. Period. I had to make sure you saw that period. It was that kind of period. Get it?

I remembered the songs. They brought back, like music does, the most memories. It was a fast and testimony meeting. I did not take the sacrament, but I sang, quietly, and listened carefully as these very normal and humble people bore their testimonies--- in normal and humble voices, and about normal and humble subjects, like answers to prayers and the violence they all faced and the gratitude they all felt for the many times the Lord had directed them around bad situations.

I especially loved the little kids who bore their testimonies. "I would like to bear my testimony that I know the church is true and I love my mom and dad and my grandma and grandpa and my---- insert list of ten siblings and all their cousins--- and then said they knew Joseph Smith was a prophet and they hoped that Jesus died for them."--- cute.

I held Aubrey's hand and somewhere along the last nine minutes I felt the warmth of her close next to me, her leg and thigh pressed to mine, her hand resting on my leg, our fingers entwined. I had this day dream of her like this, only plus five years--- in my fantasy, I could see her sitting there, holding my hand, our three kids coloring on the seats beside us and eating cheerios, while the baby napped in its car seat on the floor next to me.