Aubrey (Revolving With Axis)

080:

"Going to bed?" I smiled, with one foot on the foot step.

"In your clothes?" He quirked a brow at me. I looked down at my concert T, my ratty jeans and tennies.

"No." But I knew my stuff to change was easily available. "What are you doing?"

"I was going to write a little. In bed. With you."

"Rafe."

"Aubrey?"

"We can't sleep together. You know they are all saying stuff already. I can't give them even more to speculate about."

He drew in his breath patiently. "Aubrey. We already talked about this." He quirked his brows again.

"I know. But you've kind of upped the sexy handling. I'm not a nun. I'm not immune to you. I don't want to put us in a position we can't get out of."

He stepped back. "That's the first time you've admitted you aren't completely in control."

I rolled my eyes. "Every time I kiss you you feel my lack of control. Don't play that game. You are well aware of where our physical side is going." I got my pajamas, the fleece bottoms and the tank, thinking I would sleep in the bra as well. I made my way to the bathroom we used as a changing room—those of us who actually used a changing room to change. Some didn't care. I hoped Rafe would see things from my point of view and not be too disappointed or feel rejected. It wasn't my intention to make him feel bad, but he'd always known who I am, and what my standards are.

I changed. Rafe was waiting outside to change also. I heard a bunch of loud laughter from the back of the bus, where some folks were goofing around. But some of the bunker curtains were closed, so I knew that others had gone to bed. I brushed my teeth in the kitchen sink and then went back to the bunk.

Rafe came out and stood there looking at me. "Which bunk are you sleeping in?"

"This one." I pointed to the one I had used last night. He shrugged and started moving the bags out.

I stared. "Stop it."

His brows rose. "Are we going to do this?"

"What?"

"Make this an issue?"

"There isn't room for both of us." I protested in exasperation.

"Aubrey. I want you to close your eyes and picture the night of the pillow fight. Remember that night? Got it in your short term vision?"

I opened my eyes. "I get where you're going with this."

"You know I'll behave."

"Yeah, like Don Juan."

He tossed back his head and chuckled quietly. "Get in bed, Aubrey."

I shook my head.

He smiled roguishly. "Okay." He picked me up and deposited me on the bunk quite efficiently. I didn't even make a peep, but tried instantly to get out. Rafe pushed me over and climbed in beside me. "Shhhh. It's okay. Shhhhh."

"Rafe..." I think I started those ridiculous tears behind the choking sob, not in my eyes thank goodness. I was embarrassed enough by my temper and my emotional status. He turned the over head airplane light on, along with air blowing softly on us. There was a DVD overhead as well. There were plug outlets at the head board. I could see that he'd shoved blankets down to the bottom. He pulled them up. There was room for him to sit up. I was forced to snuggle far away from him. Rafe straightened the blankets over us, and then curled his arm around me, spooning. He smoothed back my hair, and rested his chin on my shoulder. "Shhhh."

I shook my head, feeling trapped, and embarrassed, and finally--- I identified one more emotion--- secure. Very secure.

I tried to make myself relax.

"I want you baby, I do, but I want to respect you more. I get that you want me too. I see it, you're right, I feel it, and I'm good with that. As long as you keep feeling it. Please, keep feeling it. I love you."

I turned just my face and looked into his eyes sideways. My fingers twined with his over my heart. I smiled softly, and he leaned farther to kiss me. I scrunched my shoulder under his. He had taken off his shirt, and I felt his skin next to mine, warm and alive and not pushing this time. Almost I thought to myself, we could and should get married at a Justice of the Peace. We were tempting fate this way, because I knew....

"I've fallen in love with you."

Rafe drew in a single breath and blew it out quickly, blinking long and slowly. "I've waited to hear you say that." He snuggled me close and kissed my cheek. "Aubrey, I'm so honored. I'm--- you make me so ----thank you."

"Mark this moment." I whispered still turned to look at him, but not turning any farther. "Somewhere between Mexicali and Nogales. I admitted I'm in love with you." I swallowed hard.

"Just now? This moment? What triggered it?"

"Oh, it wasn't right this moment. Nothing triggered it right this moment. But today, when you carried Jeremy back down the trail, and I knew you'd kept yourself fit and always would. And on the ropes course, you didn't leave anyone behind. You made sure all were following closely, and having a good time. You prepared yourself all your life to be compassionate and caring, and the leader. And when you pulled me on stage because you couldn't stand to see me on another guys shoulders, and you sang with me on stage, I knew you treasured me above everything else, and would protect me. Maybe that's when it happened. And... I trust you. I know you love me. That really seals the deal."

He sniffed loudly, and I thought he might be crying, but he wasn't, he just turned me to cuddle close to his heart. We managed to sleep that way comfortably when it wasn't even a comfortable position. I realized he'd got a special mattress different than the ones in the other bunks. This was one of those memory foam ones or something. I sighed in contentment, as he smoothed my hair and kissed my forehead and finally scooted down and looked into my eyes.

"I have a lot of music in my head." He confessed. I managed to smooth back his hair. It was thick and dark and kind of coarse, just so thick.

"You should write it down, and sing it."

"I'm going to. But now I have to divide my thoughts between you and the music. Soon, it will just be you in my thoughts and there will be no more music."

"I doubt that. Mom has music in her head and she manages to love us all still."

He kissed me. "Be quiet." I responded, pressing into him, feeling all that squishiness couples feel when they snuggle like this, arms and legs and stomachs and skin, and chests, and shoulders.... I felt every inch of him beside me. He growled low, and trembled as he rolled me under him and kissed me solidly, for the next half an hour till we were both breathless and sure we couldn't stop. Then he stopped.

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