Aubrey (Revolving With Axis)

078:

                 

Rafe leaped up, his hand on his heart, and helped me up. A guy came out from the side of the stage and retrieved me. And the show went on, but I was safe behind the scenes, and the two encores flew by so fast and with a return to so much energy I knew I'd never have made it out of there alive.

Allen was there. He was shaking his head at me. "You're a piece of work, Aubrey." He told me laughing. "You just captivated the whole stadium. You've got the same allure as your mom. And that voice.... Are you kidding?" He hugged me. "You move me, girl."

I laughed at him, pleased by his praise and embarrassed at the same time. I hugged him back right as the lights went down and then back up and down for the final time. Rafe ran off stage and he grabbed me up and swung me around. He was kissing me, holding me close, and picking me up, my legs wrapped around him, as he pressed me close and held my head to his. There was never anything as amazing as holding Rafe like this, with the incredible lights and sounds and energy. Holding him was like holding fire and not getting burned. Like brandishing a flame of pure light.

For the next hour we were never alone. He showered, and I held the towel this time, and he yelled out to me about the concert and asked what I thought, and who that guy was. I laughed and told him about Juan, and the girls around us, and the hyper feeling of being up and out of the crowd, but inside it. I was overcome with exuberance, and he was giddy--- I felt his heat, and the way he shook with tension.

Then he was dressed, and clean and ready for more. We drank water, and went out to greet whoever he had invited and needed to greet. He held me close, held our fingers entwined, hugged people just briefly, and went back to smiling, nodding, talking and meeting people with me tucked close to his arm.

Suddenly I was lifted up high above Rafe's head. I screamed and reached out to steady myself on very familiar shoulders. It was Juan! He was lowering me with a big hug and a lot of laughs and introductions, and Rafe was thanking him for helping me out, keeping me out of trouble and safe and helping me back to his arms on stage. Juan was just thrilled to be back there now with us. One by one all the band members came over and greeted him.

This time frame began to drag for me. I thought about my mom, having to do this every concert for years and years. I thought about Melia and Megan doing it, or Ian, or Braylyn. I thought about all the actors in the family doing it too, promoting movies and themselves. I remember Kell saying how much he hated it, and how flippant he was, and rude sometimes, which would be normal for Kell.

Thinking about them made me feel homesick. I hadn't talked to anyone... it seemed since before my niece was in the accident. Were they all not speaking to me because I couldn't save her? Or because I had not answered my phone? My heart constricted, and I knew it was that.

I whispered to Rafe that I needed some air and would be right outside. I made my way, not staggering, which is what I felt like doing out to the stairs that led to the parking lot. Too many guys... too many people smoking. Too much Spanish-- not that Spanish is bad--- just the way my brain was working, it hurt to have to think in two languages.

I felt unaccountably sad, too sad. Like I was going to cry sad. It had to be some kind of reaction to the highly charged and emotional concert. I looked around for a place to cry, and saw one of the Axis' semi's, loading and waiting, with no one on the far side next to the fence. I made my way there, tears clouding my vision.

Why was I crying now? I went to the fence and leaned against it. There were too many people, too much commotion. The aftermath of such an emotional concert was this huge adrenaline rush and then let down. I felt drained. The day had been taxing, I reminded myself, forcing deep breaths in and out, in and out. I had gotten up early and it was now very late. I'd been on this emotional roller coaster now--- for a while. I hadn't processed any of it. And the close proximity to Rafe and his very physical allure--- well--- it was really, really out of my league.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned, my eyes swimming. How had he known where I was? Was he just that in tune with me? Would he always be there when I need him? He took me in his arms and held me close, stroking my hair, humming in his throat. I cried and cried. My shoulders shook with effort, and the thoughts inside were randomly flashing like fireworks. I kept seeing my parents, and their losses--- especially as my mom waited outside a two story house for Raine to throw her babies out a window to her as their house burnt down around them. Why I was having that memory, since it happened long before I was born, and except for seeing pictures I'd never even met my mother's first husband Raine Maverick, but I couldn't stop the images from beating like a heart beat in my brain, brilliant flashes of bright lights--- like the spotlights from the concert--- showed me first Danny, four years old and heavy, being dropped out the window, and Raine's face with smoke above and around it, as he then tossed Melia and Megan who were infants, into my mother's waiting arms.

I choked.

Why in the world was I hallucinating this non-memory right now? This didn't make sense. I wanted to tell him, to ask why this was happening, but he had pulled back and was kissing me--

And---

It wasn't Rafe.

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