Aubrey (Revolving With Axis)

077:

                 

He sang it for us a'capella, before the music joined him and people around us were enthralled. I was enthralled. I could see the sweat on him, I could see his tattoos, and all of it was so familiar. I just wanted to go up on stage and put my arms around him. I could tell that so many other girls did as well.

"Troy.... Oh man. This is the first time on stage since Troy passed. I don't know how I'm gonna sing his song, you know? You guys are going to have to help me. If I can't go on, you just keep on singing it, okay? This one's for you buddy. I know you're out there. This one's for you."

He swung the mike off its pedestal, and took us on a sentimental and poignant journey into the psyche of a rock star, and his deeply felt and deeply held grief. I found myself crying, as was Rafe. I was crying for him, and for Troy who I would never meet, and for my niece, and for her parents who would never see her grow up. I cried for that baby with the half heart, I cried for the triplets that didn't make it, for the quads who were too small, for the quint that lived a few days, the little boy who died in my hand. I screamed my anguish as Rafe escalated the melody, his tears mingling with his sweat, as he struggled through. The audience took over for a few bars as he hung his head and Ben came over and played to Rafe and then stopped playing and held him.

If I'd wanted more emotion I got it.

And suddenly he was back on his feet, rocking us out of the house. Running around from side to side crazy, jumping all over the place, raising his arms to get more enthusiasm and applause--- lights flashed everywhere—spotlights crowded us near the front and then flashed away. Rafe was once again on fire. I screamed till I was hoarse, and even then I kept singing with him and screaming.

He danced so that a girl felt like she could be dancing with him, we all swayed, and sang and moved our hips and our bodies and let his voice flow in and out and all around. It was as if he fed off the crowd's emotional state and by now that was a frenzy. And that was when he slowed it down again, saying the concert was almost over--- I could have stayed there another hour.

He dangled his legs over the edge of the stage, directly in the center and the stage darkened. The big screens showed him, cameras in his face, as he started a couple of ballads that drove everybody to hushed ignition. I leaned down and asked Juan if he was tired and wanted to let me down and he said no. So I stayed and swayed. Rafe got up and came to the corner where I was. He sat down, put his hand up to shade his eyes and looked out at the crowd. I could see his eyes searching. Allen must have told him where I was.

I was right. He spotted me, and his whole demeanor changed. He stood up, leaped to the closest area to where I was and leaned over. It was obvious to Juan that Rafe was pulling me on stage. Shocked beyond measure, I allowed him to pull me off Juan's back and draw me into his arms. He told the audience that he had once seen Bono lay down flat on the stage with a fan and sing with her. He'd always wanted to try it, and tonight was that night.

He wanted us to lie down on the stage. I know I had to be looking incredulous. My heart beat out of my chest--- I could hear it above Dylan's drums--- in my throat--- in my ears. I couldn't see anything. I realized that for the most part the guys were about blinded up here. And then the lights dimmed and all the phones in the arena looked like reflected stars---- in a deep purple and turquoise sky. His hand was hot--- hot from the microphone.

"What's your name baby?"

"Aubrey."

"Have you ever been on stage?"

"No."

"Do you know Bono?"

"U2."

"Yeah. He's done this. You're gonna love it." He laid down, and pulled me down beside him, the lights dimmed even more to blue and red above us, but not blinding us. The crowd was a hushed roar, like a buzzing current. Alive.

There were two guys with cameras--- stalking us. Recording and projecting.

Rafe sang.

It was a song I knew. He held the mike for us both, and I managed to get closer. His eyes were on mine, his grin so composed, so sure. He was just Rafe--- just the guy I shared a bunk with, the guy who shot me with water guns and swam in the ocean with me. The guy who had mud on his neck still---- I reached to smooth it out, and he caught my hand.

"I must have been a fool
To love you so hard for so long
So much stronger than before
But so much harder to move on
And now the bitter chill of the winter
Still blows through me like a plague
Only to wake up with an empty bed
On a perfect summer day....."

(I can't lie: Maroon 5)

I couldn't believe we were singing this together, not a song about us, but about someone else and at the same time, some of the words spoke to me--- about the separation we'd just gone through--- as I'd run away from him--- I felt tears in my eyes...

I can't lie, you're on my mind, stuck inside my head, I wanna feel your heart beat for me instead. Yeah, I just die so much inside now that you're not there, I wanna feel your heart beat like yesterday---

I sang it by myself, with our hands over each other's hearts, twined together, facing each other, singing. Lying down.

And then he sang: I never did my best to express how I felt, and now that I know exactly what I want, you're mine and nobody else

I leaned up and kissed him, and he acted like he had died and gone to heaven and the crowd went wilder than wild and when I looked up girls were storming the barricades and Juan was yelling close by and I was so happy... so happy....

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