Pure Pain, Excruciating Love

Chapter 38

Breathing in, I looked down at my notes, calming down my nerves.

"So rather than me standing here and talking about school, the days spent here, and our teachers, and telling you about prospering in life and hanging on, I am going to take a different approach, I am going to tell you about myself, and then I'm going to reflect on that and hope that you understand the message I've learnt in life and hope that it would in someway help you out as well if needed in the future."

I made sure I still had their attention, looking over the faces of the students sitting in front of me.

"I was hesitant to share my story when Ms Ross gave the idea. She said I had to aim straight at the heart, use words from within and put them to effect by touching those around me. So I know some of you are going to say 'Oh God, here comes a pity party' or 'Here we go, she's going to use her bad experiences to touch our souls'," I stopped to give everyone a pointed look, "Believe me, I am not looking for pity. After going through certain things, the least one would want is pity, they'd rather be thought of as courageous, or strong, whatever crosses your mind, but pity is never considered."

I flipped over my paper and inhaled a deep breath. Just then, I noticed the door to the gymnasium open discreetly and a figure slipped in, staying rooted by the door. It was my mother, she was pale, in her usual jeans and t-shirt, but she was there. And I had no idea why. But never the less, I looked back down to my speech and continued.

"I was born here and I grew up here. I don't have much family, but I do have many friends," I smiled as my eyes roamed over the faces of Anna, Aaron, Chace, Kayla, and Ashton. "Ever since I was little, I remember having a drunk mother," I smiled sadly at the crowd, "I didn't understand why my mother would be asleep when I was awake and having breakfast, I didn't understand why she couldn't take me to school and pick me up. I was sad when she missed some of the activities the school held with the parents. But despite all that disappointment, I had my father," a full blown smile bloomed onto my face, "He was always there for me. Took me to school, took me shopping, played tea parties with me," some people chuckled here, "took me to carnivals. He was amazing, always by my side, always making sure that I smiled when I felt the missing presence of my mother."

My eyes zeroed in on my mom. She was still there, looking down at her shoes, her hand gripping the strap of her bag.

"So despite my drunk mother, I found happiness in the moments with my dad and I was content with that. But that didn't seem like the story of my life," I sighed. "A day before Christmas eve, my dad died in a car accident." Gasps were heard, and I swear I saw Sandy's face and her groupie's faces blanch white. "I was alone then. I knew I had no one else left. I had my friends, but I was too ashamed to turn to them with what I believed was my pathetic life with my drunk mother." I cast a glance at my friends who gave me a shake of the head. "So I ignored everyone around me and I focused on my studies, because I knew that was all I had left. All I could count on to get me to be stronger and to get me a secure and safe road out of the situation my life was in. But then, someone new came into my life. My mom introduced me to her boyfriend, George. I hated that a man was in my house, walking in the hallway where my dad walked, sitting in my dad's place on the couch, or sitting at the kitchen table where my dad would sit as we had lunch and dinner."

I was getting tired, especially with my foot feeling so heavy in the cast. But I wasn't going to stop. I have to finish this speech.

"With time, I noticed that George wasn't a good guy and one day my doubts were confirmed when he hit me for accidentally dropping a plate when I was serving him and my mom dinner," again, gasps were heard. "I was scared and I was nervous. I lived that way in my own house, afraid of every step I took and every noise I made. I had to stay out of the house, so I took on a few jobs, and I thrust myself into my education. I never gave up on school. On the contrary, I was much more determined to do the best I could." I took a sip of the cup of water in front of me and continued, "A few months later, and I was introduced to George's son, Kevin. At first I trusted him, I told him about his father's abusive ways. I thought I could be safe with him, but I was wrong once again. Kevin abused me as well, but he also tried to touch me in ways a brother surely wouldn't." And more gasps and murmurs were heard.