Zayn has been taught since birth that gay people end up in hell. It's never been a big deal to him until he goes off to uni and his room mate is a very attractive, openly gay man.
It's been about a week since I walked out of Zayn's live. Forever? Hopefully not but I'm definitely experiencing the different stages of a breakup.
The first stage is denial. I didn't believe that Zayn chose his family over me. It drove me a bit crazy.
Now, a few days later I'm in the second stage. Anger. I'm angry at Zayn, angry at his family, and angry at myself.
It's quite exhausting, I have trouble sleeping without him. I know. Pathetic.
Today I'm going home, to Wolverhampton. I need to distract myself from the whole situation or I may do something that I'll regret. I don't know what that something is, but I'm too angry to function properly right now.
I sacrificed so much for him. I could've been fucking so many beautiful men in the time that Zayn wasted.
Right as I'm about to pull out onto the highway, I get stopped at a red light so I pull out my phone to pass the time. I get a bunch of messages from my family members who're excited to see me.
But one message stands out.
Zayn: are you okay?
I laugh dryly, moving my finger to delete the message. For some reason, I can't bring myself to do it so I respond in a passive aggressive way instead.
Liam: just peachy :)) Zayn: you upset with me? Liam: not at all sweetie :))
I sigh and put my phone down. The light has turned green and I do not text and drive.
For once, I'm hoping for some traffic so I can see what Zayn said to me. I can hear my phone buzzing and I find myself hoping that it's him. I'm pathetic.
Thankfully, there is no traffic so I can have some time to think. The road is a very calming place for me. Good to calm down and clear my mind.
About an hour and a half later, I pull off the highway and get stopped by another red light. I practically lunge at my phone, happy to find that Zayn responded. I open the message instantly.
Zayn: please don't hate me Zayn: I love you Zayn: so much Liam Zayn: I'm serious
I blink away some angry tears that are forming in my eyes. If he loved me, he would say goodbye to me.
Liam: you just let me leave without saying anything Liam: that really fucking hurt
The light turns green again and I follow the red car in front of me. A warm feeling fills my chest when I start recognizing some buildings around me. I'm home.
I pass the library and a mall. A new McDonald's was built during the years that I was gone. Delicious.
I'm pulling into my parents driveway about 20 minutes later. I feel nervous when I notice many cars in front of the house. I wish I had Zayn here with me, he brings out the best in me.
Before stepping out of the car, I check my phone one more time.
Zayn: and I'm so sorry Zayn: I thought I was doing the right thing Zayn: i was scared Liam: I know you were Liam: it wasn't right Zayn: so now what? Zayn: I understand if you never want to talk to me again Liam: don't be stupid Liam: you know I love you Zayn: I love you too Liam: let's just take a break Liam: go spend time with your family Zayn: they all treat me like crap Zayn: well...not Waliyha Liam: let's talk later Liam: I gtg
I run a hand through my hair, nervously, and turn off my phone. I slip it into my pocket before getting out of the car and heading to the front door.
The door is opened by my sister, Nicola. I smile when I'm immediately pulled into a hug. A warm, familiar smell fills my nose.
It smells like my mums baking and cleaning products. Also Nicola smells like sweet perfume.
"Hey!" I say and squeeze her tightly. "You've changed. You're a grown woman now, yeah?"
She pulls away and fixes her already perfect hair. "Please!" She scoffs. "Look at you. You're a whole new person."
I rub the back of my neck, awkwardly. "Is that a good thing?" I chuckle.
She swats my arm. "Well you haven't been home in so long."
I bite my lip. "I'm sorry. I've been busy."
She rolls her eyes. "Yeah right. We'll talk later, come meet the rest of the family. Ruth got married last weekend."
My eyes widen. "What? Ruth? Why didn't anyone tell me?"
Nicola shrugs. "We didn't think you cared." She says and walks away.
I follow her down the hall. "Of course I care. Are you mad?"
She doesn't say anything and steps into the living room. I'm greeted by many people who I haven't seen in years.
I immediately hug my dad who I've been closest to lately. He's always been supportive of me and he made it very obvious that he's okay with my sexuality.
It's nice to feel like a little kid again. My mum hasn't changed much, she still dyes her short hair the same light shade of blonde and she still wears the same perfume.
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My sisters seem to be upset with me but I try not to let it bother me. I distract myself by catching up with cousins and others.
It's so nice, I almost forget about Zayn. Almost. His beautiful smile is still lingering in the back of my mind.
About an hour later, I finally manage to sneak away from everyone and head to the bathroom. After finishing up my business, I pull out my phone.
It made me happier than I'd like to admit when I see Zayn texted me back. I open it quickly, once again.
Zayn: okay Zayn: can you call me later? Liam: maybe later tonight
He's addictive. I shouldn't talk to him right now but I can't help it. I NEED to hear his voice and hear what he had to say.
