In suburbia. (Tronnor Fanfic)

Nine.

We were sitting on the couch. Connor was highly interested by the documentary we were watching, but I was just looking at him.

How his eyes were concentrating on the TV screen.
How his mouth slowly curled a little when someone made a joke.
How his hands were laying together in his lap.
How his fingers were bend.
How his feet were laying peacefully on the coffee table.
How his toes moved a little every now and then.
How his head was slowly turning a little because of tiredness and interest.
How his stomach was moving up and down every time he took a breath.

How his green t-shirt matched his eyes.
How his blue jeans were slightly too big.
How his black socks were two different colours of black.
How his bracelets perfectly fit the outfit.

I wanted to kiss him, but I knew I shouldn't. He just came out, wich was already a really big step for him. I needed to be careful with him. He was very fragile.

I wanted to hug him, and hold him, but I knew I shouldn't. He was watching the documentary and he would get annoyed with me if I disturbed him.

I wanted to tickle his arm softly, but I knew I shouldn't. He'd think I wanted more than just tickling his arm. He'd think I wasn't a 'good guy'.

I wanted to hold his hand, and I knew I should. So I reached out my hand to his, and softly touched his hand. When he felt the touch he immediately turned he hand upside down. We tangled our fingers, and I squeezed his hand for a second. We stayed like that position until the end of the documentary.

We ordered Indian food and decided to stay home all night. We found out we are both interested in music.
He had a few records and a record player. He wanted me to listen to a song called "Heartache Fetish" by Young & Sick. I really loved the song. I loved the harmony of the voices, and the way your brain seems to drown in the sound.

I wanted to show Connor a song too. I wrote it myself, but I wasn't really sure about it yet. The song was about finding yourself, and accepting yourself. That's a pretty heavy subject, mostly because he just came out for the first time, and was very insecure about everything at the moment.

"Troyeeee" he giggled,
"Cooooon" I answered.
"Troye, you told me you want to be a singer. Can you sing for me?"
"Hell no" I said. I never sang to anyone.
"Aaawh, Troye, pleeaaaase?" and he looked at my with his beautiful green eyes, which turned into puppy eyes instead of milkyways.
I was thinking about it. It was a hard decision because I loved him, and I loved singing. But I usually don't sing to people.
I decided to do it.
"I'll sing you a song, Connie" I said.
His eyes lit up.

I closed my eyes and startes singing.

"The truth runs wild
Like a tear down a cheek
Trying to save face, and daddy heart break
I'm lying through my teeth

This voice inside
Has been eating at me
Trying to replace the love that I fake
With what we both need

The truth runs wild
Like kids on concrete
Trying to sedate my mind in its cage
And numb what I see

Awake, wide eyed
I'm screaming at me
Trying to keep faith and picture his face
Staring up at me

Without losing a piece of me
How do I get to heaven?
Without changing a part of me
How do I get to heaven?
All my time is wasted
Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh
So if I'm losing a piece of me
Maybe I don't want heaven?

The truth runs wild
Like the rain to the sea
Trying to set straight the lines that I trace
To find some relief
This voice inside
Has been eating at me

Trying to embrace the picture I paint
And colour me free

Without losing a piece of me
How do I get to heaven?
Without changing a part of me
How do I get to heaven?
All my time is wasted
Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh
So if I'm losing a piece of me
Maybe I don't want heaven?

So I'm counting to fifteen
Counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen
So I'm counting to fifteen
Counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen
So I'm counting to fifteen
Counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen
So I'm counting to fifteen
Counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen

Without losing a piece of me
How do I get to heaven?
Without changing a part of me
How do I get to heaven?
All my time is wasted
Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh
So if I'm losing a piece of me
Maybe I don't want heaven?

The truth runs wild
Like a tear down a cheek"

When I opened my eyes, I saw Connor a tear running down Connors cheek. We hugged tight.
"You managed to express my feelings in that song so well, Troye" he whispered in my ear, with a shaking voice.
"Thank you" I said. Because that was the only thing I could say before I started crying too.