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« Thanatophobia » || Ennoshita Chikara x Reader

Thanatophobia (n.) – The morbid, abnormal, or persistent fear of one's own mortality.

~•~

{F/N} was scared. Oh, so scared.

It happened again.

One of her fingers would fall asleep, and every part of her body that she happened to touch with it would start to tingle too. It would all fall asleep, getting to the point of even numbing her face and feeling like she was about to choke on her own tongue – and she had no idea why it happened.

She had been to doctors before to check it out, and none of them could explain to her why it happened or why her stomach felt like it did a backflip.

And if that wasn't awful already, her organs would sometimes play tricks on her as well. Deep breaths would sometimes sting in her heart, the area above her hips would randomly hurt and she would become pretty nauseated.

None of her friends knew about it either – well, with the exception of her boyfriend, Ennoshita. She happened to be at his place when one of these symptoms acted up, and he refused to let her go home until she told him.

He's been her support in these times and today was another one of those days, in which she'd be on his couch with her head in his lap.

"Why don't we try going to a doctor one more time?" The boy tried, running his fingers through her hair as she shook her head. "We won't figure out the problem if we don't keep trying, {F/N}. Are you scared of what the outcome will be?"

She sighed at how dead-on he was, but nodded.

He knew all about her – how heart problems ran in her family, how an awful kidney disease threatened her family's existence and how cancer was so common in there as well; not to forget about how scared she'd be whenever she'd feel sick.

"I get that you're scared, but don't you think we should check it out at least once more? Maybe they'll figure it out this time, and we can find a way to stop whatever it is?"

"They won't f-find it," She replied, biting her lip in hopes of not crying in front of him. "T-They never do."

"{F/N}..."

Ennoshita sighed and helped her sit up, looking her deep into the eyes as he spoke. "If they don't find anything, that's good, right? That means you're healthy and have nothing to worry about."

"I know that, but..." {F/N} exhaled loudly, covering her mouth before getting a bucket handed to her.

She waved it off and sighed, "I-It's fine, I never actually throw up..."

Ennoshita grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to him, hugging her tightly as her back touched his chest. "You're not scared of them not finding anything, are you? You're scared of being diagnosed with something."

{F/N}'s eyes started to sting at the thought and the boy felt sorry for bringing it up, but he had to get it off of his chest. He figured she'd feel better after admitting it – it usually worked for him.

"That's not the only thing I worry about..." She mumbled, taking a shaky breath before telling him something she hadn't told anyone before.

"I'm scared of being diagnosed with cancer. Of course, everyone is, but... Haven't you ever wondered why my parents and I are not alike whatsoever?"

The wing spiker rested his chin on her shoulder and hummed, wanting her to continue. He never bothered to ask about it since he didn't want to offend anyone, but he was glad she brought it up herself.

"It's because my mom died to lung cancer when I was twelve and my dad passed away to lung cancer two years ago. Do you understand why I fear dying so much? My aunt died to breast cancer, my grandfathers died to either heart problems or a kidney disease... I'm gonna be the next one, Chikara. And I hate the thought of knowing that every second can be my last."

The tears rolled down her cheeks as she spoke, shaking after having to say all of that. She really didn't like to speak about it, and if people questioned her puffy eyes in the morning, she'd play it off as an allergy and dodge all further questions.

"{F-F/N}... I knew your fear came from somewhere, but I never expected any of this. I'm sorry for making you say that."

"It's fine. I should've told you."

There was a long silence between the two of then and she wasn't at ease, but she ended up giving in. "If I... If I make an appointment with the doctor, w-will you come with me?"

Ennoshita smiled softly, "Of course I will. I can't force you to go to a place you don't want to go without going myself. I'll always be with you, you know?"

{F/N} closed her eyes and left his warmth to embrace her, reciprocating his smile before drifting off to sleep. "Thanks, Chikara. You really are amazing."

~•~

About a week later the two of them ended up in the hospital to get things checked. Turns out – she was perfectly healthy and just a little paranoid.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ❀ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Oh man, this was probably OOC as heck. Wellp, this entire thing is based on personal experience – but I did throw mine and my cousin's experiences together. Honestly, I'm surprised by how well he's doing and am so proud of him for going on after the loss of his parents. It's a heavy hit, you know? Well, I guess you can figure out which part is mine then. Trust me, the moment your mouth starts to go numb is the moment you fear your life the most. It's happened to me twice and I have no idea on where it's coming from. Hope this was enjoyable! (Somehow, this was really poorly written and awful)