The Diary of a Struggling Genderfluid: 2

I'm tired.

I'm sorry. If you know me in real life, recently you'll have noticed a drastic change in my outward aggression levels. As in, they have increased drastically the past few weeks.

It's due to multiple factors, predominantly anxiety and depression, but there's this one thing that's been really bothering me.

And it's prom.

I'm not going. Just, people around me are.

Recently I've been trying to get the point across to someone who's been pushing something on my friend, and that friend doesn't want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable, so they just keep quiet. But I can't sit there and deal with seeing them suffer anymore because they're too afraid to hurt this other person.

So what have I been doing?

It started two weeks ago with me (calmly) explaining to this person the predicament and the actuality of the situation. I tried to do it in the least assholeish way possible, but I have a hard time with that, seeing as I have very little empathy when I become frustrated. When things didn't change, and progressed to worse, I again addressed this person as kindly as I could but put it as bluntly as I could to make myself perfectly clear. Of course I was promised that they understood, and I tried to sit calmly through their somewhat flawed logic in refute. But anyway, the conversation finished, and it was fine.

Again, they kept pushing.

I spoke to them again. At this point I was beyond frustrated and into anger, and I kind of blew up when I was told what was happening. The next day I spoke somewhat more calmly to them, and was assured once again that they understood.

Lead up until today, right?

Get into lunch, finish my math homework, and can't help hear in the conversation passing between this person and another sitting at my table. They were actually complaining about the actuality of the situation, and I couldn't help but try ONCE AGAIN to point out the actuality of the situation.

To which I was told:

"I actually really don't want to talk to you right now, so if you'd please stop talking"

And I fucking lost it.

"Fine" I spat and put away my math homework, and then ate my stupid cheezeits in pissed off silence.

And to add icing to the cake, I say there listening to the two of them proceed to degrade women and talk about how I'm overreacting and to just ignore me.

It was worse to listen to them refer to me as a woman.

I

was

so

utterly

done

Ask Ronnie. It'll tell you.

And then this person proceeded to try and make amends with me by the end of the lunch period.

I don't think I'll be talking to them much anymore.

I didn't want to talk for the rest of the day.

But of course I can't keep my mouth shut when I feel strongly on things.

I just come off as an asshole. It gets me so frustrated and it's hurting me and it's not worth my anger anymore. I can't do it.

I'm tired of it.

Incredibly deep sighs.

Markie out. (boy)