"All I want to know is why you won't take me back like how we used to be, I'm trying my hardest!" Xavier grunts with tears in his eyes
"It's not possible for you anymore Xavier, that'll never be possible for us again. Too much has happened, too much...
Have you ever tried telling someone everything and anything because you just felt so free and excited that this person- one person who really really gets you lets you be, you. You don't have to watch what you say, wear clothes that make you comfortable, you can be who you wanna be basically. Well, you don't get a ton of people like that in your life, one of the faults and biggest joys of life. Be grateful for everyone in your life because you don't know who'll become the best aspect of your day.
Do you remember when I said everyone is stupid? Well, do you think I'm right? The word "stupid" is something so big to people I've realized. If you call someone stupid they put up a wall instantly, they try not to believe what you're saying because humans think stupid is being....stupid basically if you can grasp that. But really you just have more to learn. Isn't it better to be able to have this wide variety of things that you could create a beautiful process of learning than to know everything and still be called stupid. I mean if you think of it, the whole meaning to the word stupid doesn't even exist. It's like saying diversity isn't real. The meaning of being stupid is to not learn or take in correctly, if this was true for any human, evolution wouldn't have occurred like it has. Cars wouldn't run because humans were "stupid."
I mean you could be crazy. In which you keep doing things the same where you knew the outcome would always be bad. Maybe this story is about two crazy people living in a simple world. Maybe you could look a little deeper into words that you say.
S
I hated watching him sleep there. Head resting peacefully on his white pillow that we shared just moments ago. I had just woken up when I remembered what had happened last night. There's this golden mist in the room caused by the earliness today, or maybe I'm just seeing things. I was pressed farthest away against the headboard as possible. Gazing at the slightly open lips that I kissed so much last night. One arm thrown above his head as his hair reminds me of just home many time I ran my fingers through it last night.
I was scared but I didn't really know why I was scared. He wouldn't do anything to me, I knew that. I didn't want to see this beautiful sight in front of me to stir an inch. I'm not going to say I'm starting to fall in love with the shape of his lazy face again. I'm already in love with it. Yes, we aren't always on the best terms and he's done mean things that people would say. "I could never forgive you for," which I still have to explain and I will, later. Well, if you ask me, I know I still love him. I mean he gave me the most precious thing in my life. Xavier's rain to me, he goes away sometimes and might come back unexpected angry, soothing, light, or just plain rain. But I'm always happy to know it comes back to say hello and let me know everything's okay. He might cause a flood but I think that's better than dying from dehydration.
His sudden showing naked arm stroking my shin took me out of my trance.
"You okay?" Xavier's raspy voice made me feel a bit less nervous. But why?
"Why did you let last night happen?" I ask as he looks a little bit to me from his face planted in the pillow. What a weird human being.
"Why do you let birds sing? Why do you let the earth rotate? You don't it just happens."
"Oh shut up, you know I like Jake. Why are you doing this to me! Right now?!" I scream suddenly and jump out of bed in a rage. He sits up so his member is in full view.
"S, I didn't let anything happen, it was both of us. Like how both of us created a child, how both of us just slept in that bed, how both of us know this feeling."
Why is he being like this? I take a step towards my bed to collect my stuff and start putting things on my.... Shit I'm naked.
"You embarrass me all the time! Everything I do apparently is idiotic isn't it?! You treat everyone like they're less than you're pathetic excuse of a man! Even the mother of your child! Why do I even like you, none of the things you say or do to me are even worth it. I'll always be the little immature girl who fell for your stupid ways. Well, I'm not falling for it anymore!" I scream as I frantically cover myself up with clothes.
Heading for the door, I'm tugged back into his arms roughly.
"Now you know I don't think of you like that, you're the smartest most beautiful person in the whole world." he calmly whispers on my forehead.
His frame excels mine when he pushes me to his muscular chest. God I hate him right now. All I feel like is the high pitched scream that leaves my through out of anger. He lets go of me in shock and we stare at each others faces.
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"You really think I just forgot what you did! I wanted you to tell me that I was okay! And we were okay! Not that you were fucking every girl you saw right after I had given birth to our daughter! You don't think I don't still hate you for that! I WANTED YOU TO FIGHT FOR US. For our daughter and everything we've built together BUT ALL YOU DID WAS BE A JERK!" I scream before the tears stream down my face.
Xavier pulls me to my face up so I'm looking him straight in the teary eyes as well.
"You are 100% right. I'm not even close the man you should have but I'm so selfish that if another man even touches you I will do anything in my power to beat the living shit out of them. I was so dumb back them baby, all I ever wanted to do was love you and the baby but I got scared, girls' bodies and drugs were the only thing I knew. I'm so scared of messing up with you. You and El are the only things I've ever cared about in my life. Nothing I do, I ever try to hurt you. I promise if you let me show you, I will be a better man."
I turn my eyes the other way so I don't have to look at him right now, I'm too caught up in thought to wonder what I'll do if I look at him.
"You have no fucking idea how much I loved you." he sobs embracing my body.
"Xavier what are we going to do after this then?" I ask against his ear.
"I don't know baby but we'll get over this, how hard could it be right?"
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS CHAPTER???? Too short I know but I had to update. The next one will be WAY longer. I'm so excited we've gotten to this point though! But what do you think will happen next and did u even like how this went? I mean Jakes pretty cool to.... I'm so happy to see all my new readers, you guys make me very happy to update!
