Teen dad (a larry stylinson fanfiction)

chapter 28 - Even more bad news...

i feel like i am sinking, i feel dead but i can't be dead because it's too painful to be death, i must be still alive because i  still have the awful feelings that make our heart ache, feelings of love and lust and missing, an author once said you can never love someone nearly as much as you miss them. I have found the heart ache of missing someone. 

Its been 2 days since Jasmine had been ripped apart from me and still noone knows, i am too ashamed to tell the boys i am waiting till they figure out themselves. I hope Jasmine's ok i hope she is happy and feels safe. The 2 days apart from her has been agonizing enough how am i supposed to go on? is there any point in moving on why shouldn't i just lay on the floor for the rest of my life? my life isn't worth living without jasmine..

I honestly think that the only thing that is making me breathe is the tiny shred of hope that Louis may come back to me and we can still be in love maybe? i was still holding onto that. Gemma has moved in with me probably to make sure i dont kill myself or something, she feeds me and tries to keep me active though all i want to do is lay on the ground and think about nothing. 

Thinking makes you miss people, i hated missing people. Jasmine's foster home was voted one of the best in the country, you'd think that be some comfort to me? no i want her here with me in my arms with me watching her to keep her safe...once every fucking month i get to talk to her, she would get awkward around me because she will think that she hardly knows me. I still think it is shocking how noone knows about jasmine being torn away from me but know when i forget her play. 

'Harry, Zayn just texted you saying that there is rehersal tonight for you,' 

'tell him i dont want to go,' i groaned

'Harry,' 

'you'd think they might be a bit more considerate considering i just lost someone very special to me!' 

'Harry they don't know,' 

'still,' i groaned 

'i'll make you some tea harry but i think you should go i mean you can't miss work all the time, it will also keep your mind busy so you don't think about jasmine too much,' 

'fine i'll go,' i shrugged 

'Harry what is that i smell?' Gemma said coming towards me, she looked at me with sad eyes. 

'i thought you were going to quit,' 

'things change guess i need them more than i thought i would,' i shrugged

'Harry drugs is the worst way to deal with missing someone,' 

'it works the best for me,' i shrugged

Gemma didn't even bother giving me the technacalities of how bad drugs were for you she just gave me my tea and said.

'Zayn said Louis has some exciting news that he wants to share and is excited about,' 

'Why is Louis always happy and i feel depressed all the time?' i groaned

'must be the drugs,' gemma said

I rolled my eyes and changed and slumped with no effort towards the recording studio, Gemma came along. 

I was miserable, i had rolled up so many joints last night i felt like i was flying far far away and i felt dizzy it was great!

'Hey harry,' zayn chirped loudly.

'shh shh,' i said patting his back, 

'do you have a hangover?' zayn whispered

i briskily nodded. 

'So where is Jasmine?' Niall asked

When he said her name it made my stomach churn.