Changed {Martin Garrix Fanfiction}

Chapter 51

Chapter Fifty One - I'm Not Judging You

- Madeline's POV - 

It's been three days since it happened. I haven't spoken about it to Haley since - she hasn't asked which I'm glad for. I've keep my mouth shut from any and everyone. I haven't seen Jayce and I'm not sure if I want to see him. Like I told Haley, I don't even feel like myself anymore. I still feel nothing. I'm still trying to believe that is something I would have done. 

I also haven't spoken to Martin in three days after he came to me. We've exchanged glances and he has tried to speak to me, but I haven't given him anytime of day. I can barely bring myself to look at him. I feel like such a hypocrite for wanting him to be honest with me, but now, I have this secret that I can't tell him. 

Martin and I have never really been this awkward around each other. I mean, the majority of it is me but, I think he feels confused so he doesn't know what to say. I don't blame him. I feel so shitty every time I see him. I feel like I've betrayed him and only god knows why but, I do. 

I just want everything to go back to normal. I just wish I knew how to do that. The only thing that hasn't changed, is my feelings for Martin. I want him more than anyone could imagine - hell, I think I'm in love with him but now, I can barely look at him because I made a stupid mistake. 

Now, here I sit, in my dorm room alone. Nothing new for me in the past three days. The only times I have left is to go get food and (sometimes) go to a class or two. I mean, there is only a little over a week left here, what is the damn point? 

I'm thinking about whether or not I should start to pack or not. I know it is going to take forever, but then again, this is just my bored mind talking. I then remember that I am going to be packing another suitcase when I go home for Oxford. Well, that is if my father gives me his blessing. Honestly, I'm thinking about going no matter what he says. 

Instead of packing, I decide to just snoop around and see if I find anything interesting. I go through the drawers of our nightstand and I feel weird when I see my bible (that I haven't opened in nearly three months). Well, I guess I can say goodbye to living pure. Besides, I see nothing wrong with embracing sexuality; it's a powerful thing. 

I shut the drawer, not really tempted to open it so I continue looking around the room. For some reason, I make my way over to Haley's makeup area and glance around. My eyes land on a small white envelope, fit for a card of some sorts. 

Being my curious self, I grab it quickly. It isn't sealed yet, so I take the card out and I'm confused to see a picture of some flowers and some cursive writing. I open it and glance over Haley's handwriting, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion. 

I know it's been a year since Austin passed and I still think about him everyday. Sometimes, I wish it would have been me. He was too good of a person for what happened to him. Martin thinks about him too, I know it. 

- Haley Stine 

It's addressed to some people named Micah and Avery Taylor. Suddenly, it dawns on me. Austin. He was that kid Matthew told me about who had overdosed. He didn't say much else but he did mention he was Martin's best friend. Why does Haley have this?