He joins me back on the bed holding the small packet. I have only seen condoms in sexual education class, they seemed so intimating then but now I want to grab it out of his hand and put it on him. I am thankful that Harry can't hear my indecent thoughts even though his words are dirtier than any thought I have ever had.
"Are.." His voice is low.
"If you ask if I am sure, I will kill you." I tell him and he smiles.
"I was going to say, are you going to help me put this on or should I do it?" He laughs, waving the condom between his thumb and forefinger.
"Oh. I want to, you have to show me how though." I bite my lip.
"Okay." He sits down on the bed and I sit up cross legged. He leans across and kisses me swiftly on my forehead before taking my hand in his. He tears the packet open and I hold my hand out. He chuckles and shakes his head.
"I'll show you, this way." He says and uses our combined hands to put the condom above him. It feels slippery to the touch.
"Now it goes down." He says, his cheeks flushed. His eyes narrow as both of our hands slide the condom over his hard skin.
"That wasn't so bad for a virgin and a drunk" I laugh. He raises an eyebrow at me and smiles. I am glad we are being playful and not so intense, it makes me less nervous for what is about to happen.
"I'm not drunk babe, I had a few drinks and when I showed up here I was a slightly impaired but arguing with you has sobered me up, as usual." He smiles and runs his thumb across my bottom lip.
I am pleased with his answer, I don't want him to be passing out half way through or puking on me. I laugh a little at my thoughts and look at him again. His eyes are clear, not glazed like they were an hour ago.
"Now what?" I say before I can stop myself. He laughs, taking my hand and wrapping it around his length.
"Eager?" He teases and I nod.
"Me too." He admits and I move my hand up and down. He shifts his body so he is on top of me. He uses his knee to part my legs, spreading them wide and I feel his fingers rub against me. I wonder if he will be gentle with me, I hope so.
"You're soaking so that will make it easier." He inhales. His lips meet mine and he kisses me slowly, his tongue teasing mine. His lips seem to be molded against mine, made just for me. He pulls away and kisses the corners of my mouth, followed by my nose then my lips again. My hands go to his back in a desperate attempt to pull him closer to me.
"Slow baby, we need to go slow." He whispers. His lips touching my earlobe.
"It's going to hurt, just tell me if you want me to stop. I mean it, okay?" He says in a gentle voice.
"Okay." I gulp. I have heard that losing your virginity hurts but it can't be that bad. I hope not at least.
He kisses me again, I feel the silky condom brush against me causing me to shudder. Seconds later he presses into me, its such a foreign feeling. My eyes screw shut and I hear myself gasp.
"You okay?" He whispers into the kiss. I nod and he moves further into me. I wince at the pinching feeling deep inside me. It is just as bad as everyone says, if not worse.
"Fuck." Harry groans. His body is still, unmoving and the feeling is incredibly uncomfortable.
"Can I move?" His voice is so strained and raspy.
"Yea." I say. The pain continues but Harry kisses me all over, my lips, my cheeks, my nose, my neck, and the tears forming at the corner of my eyes. I put my focus on squeezing Harry's arms and his warm tongue on my neck.