Touring with 5SOS

Fourty-Six: Ten

LUKE'S POV

Nine months.

That's how long it had been since we had last seen Madison.

Nine whole months. After Christmas every sign of her just disappeared, vanished even. No videos, almost no pictures. Just an occasional few of her avoiding Violet on her walk to or from school. But it was just her back, I hadn't seen her face in what felt like years.

The boys were obviously just as upset as I was, all of us just wanting to give up. The only thing that made us happy now was performing for the fans. All four of us were living in a house in LA, writing a bit for our next album.

It was kind if refreshing not to have to wake up in that house and see Madison doing things everywhere. Every little thing triggered a memory.

The pool? So many. The first day we got her, the time I dropped her in, millions of them. I couldn't even sing disconnected anymore without wanting to cry. Given we didn't really perform it anymore because we had so much more music, but it was still nice to hear and perform. The fans still loved it, each and every time.

I tugged on a beanie, not wanting to do my hair today. It didn't take as long as it would've a few years ago, I didn't quiff it everyday; I just didn't feel like it.

Slipping in a headphone and listening to Tear In My Heart, I let out a sigh. One thing I did miss about home was my bed. This one wasn't nearly as comfortable, I didn't sink into it or have a mark where my body fit perfectly.

I nodded at Calum who was sat in the kitchen as I grabbed a banana. Ashton and Michael were at the studio today, writing. I'm pretty sure Alex was there too, writing a new song with them. Alex and Jack had been hanging out here with us a lot. They knew how upset we were over this, and they were actually kind of upset that we never introduced them to her.

It just wasn't something that we got around to. I was going to introduce them at the concert but I went to that with Calum instead, because she was gone when it came around.

Now, nine months is a long time. Most people would think we should be over it by now. I wish we were, but she was such a big part of our lives for such a long time.

We may just be overreacting, but this was how we were handling it I guess.

"I'm gonna go out, meet some fans. Do you wanna come?" I asked him, slipping on my shoes. Calum nodded, slipping his phone into his pocket.

Scratching my chin, which was covered by my beard after not shaving for a week, I checked the time. It was a little bit after lunch, normally the time of day where a lot of people were outside. Calum and I decided we would just go to Starbucks and get some coffee, and just walk around afterwards.

Paps took pictures of us as we walked around the streets, but didn't make any attempt to actually say anything to us.

We took a few pictures with fans, and were currently drinking coffee while at the park. We spot a very large group of teens walking toward us, waving from where we sat on the benches. A few were crying, which I guess wasn't too uncommon.

"Hey, how are you guys?" I smiled, waving a bit at all of them. Most of them had their cameras out, probably taking as many pictures as possible. They all answered back, Calum and I just talking to them, taking pictures and signing some things.

"Have you heard that Madison killed herself?" one of the girls out back shouted, every head whipping toward her.

My heart clenched at the idea, almost brining me to tears. I noticed that Calum was the same way.