Faith Restored

Chapter 24

Sadaf's POV

I went back home from work that day thinking about what had happened between me and Yusuf. I wasn't quite sure what I was thinking during that moment. I don't know if I was thinking at all. Yusuf makes me feel things I've never felt before. I'm in confusion as to what those feelings mean.

Sometimes I feel nothing towards Yusuf. It's just boss and employees. Sometimes I see him as a good friend and sometimes, I feel as though he has this pull on me. I admit Yusuf's a very attractive man. Probably one of the most good looking people I've met. However, this pull is not because of his looks. I don't understand fully what it is, but I feel comfortable around him. He kind of brings the best out of me in some ways. I'm calm around him, I'm happy, confident and most important at peace. It could be the work load, but when we work together on files, I forget all my other worries and I'm just with Yusuf at that moment.

When I was close to him I got lost in his eyes. They always look so sincere. The way he looks at me during these moments, no one has ever looked at me like that. It's like he's reading me through my eyes. He's starting to understand me in a way. I just can't keep away from him. As much as I try pushing myself away, the pull he has towards me just brings me closer and closer.  I feel as though I'm in the sea floating and the waves slowly but surely are pushing me towards him. I'm in a helpless situation.

Oh my god. Yusuf stole my first kiss. I let him. I kissed him back. This can't be right. It's not right. I could be leading him on. He can't have feelings for me. I'll end up hurting him. I'll end up hurting myself. I can't handle anymore hurt. Yusuf cares for me and somehow now I care for him too. I can't be the one to hurt him. I won't be a good girlfriend or wife. I can't give myself fully to anyone. I hate it, but it's some what of a defence for me not to get hurt again. I've lost all trust in love. What am I going to do?!

I got my phone out while I was in my bedroom and texted Hanifa.

Me: Hanifa! What are u doing? x

Hanifa: Heyy! I'm just watching some TV. What's up? x

Me: I'm coming to pick u up. Something happened today and I really need someone to talk to x

Hanifa: Okay that's fine but is everything okay? x

Me: I'll tell you when I see you x

After that text I grabbed my keys, went to my car and drove off to Hanifa's house. It took 20 minutes to get to her house. As soon as I was outside Hanifa came and joined me in the car.

"Okay now talk. You have me so worried Sadaf." Hanifa said while putting her seatbelt on.

"Okay I might as well start now. So I was at work today and I was working on a few files with Yusuf in his office." I started off by saying. Hanifa was watching me and probably trying to read into what I was saying.

"And well..." I sighed, "He told me to look at something on his PC. So, I went to his side of the desk and leaned down to see the screen. But I didn't realise that we were now really close to each other, until he randomly brushed a few strands of hair behind my ear." I looked at Hanifa for a moment.

"Look Yusuf likes you. Whoever has seen you two together can see the connection." Hanifa finally spoke up.

"That's the issue. I can't play games with him. I can't lead him on, when I don't even know if I am able to take it any further." I explained to Hanifa.

"The whole point of relationships are trying new things out and seeing what happens. Don't block yourself off without trying. What if he's the one? What if it hurts him that you didn't even try?"