Yours Truly.

There's No Way

This chapter's shoutout goes tooo... @JBluvs! Thanks for the comments/votes! (;

Love you all, xoxo <3

*

Nialls POV

10 days.

It's been 10 days since I last saw Jaycee. A week and a half, but it's felt like a life-time. 7 days ago, I had come to the realization that I needed to stop with the letters, because I was tired of leading a double life, since then, i've written three good-bye letters -- only one finished.

It's Tuesday morning, and currently, everyone is in first peroid. I however, had to use the "restroom". Instead, I took advantage of the oppertunity to go to to the supply closet to drop off my goodbye letter.

I opened the door to the closet, and like always, it was left unlocked. I pulled the letter out of my back pocket, and was just about to slip it underneath the stack of paper, when I found a note, already there.

It wasn't a letter, instead just a small, blue post-it note, with the words,

"I have something for you. It's behind the bench I always sit at during lunch. xx, Jay."

After a silent moment of debate, I decide it will be best to keep my goodbye safe and sound with me until I see what Jaycee has waiting for me. If, it really is Jaycee.

*

The late bell rang, and I was already in my seat. It was history, finally, and there was no sight of Jaycee. Mr. Crepson goes up the board, and starts instruction. I can't help but let a frown form onto my face, due to the fact Jaycee isn't here. My mind starts to wonder, which sometimes, isn't a good thing. I begin to wonder where Jaycee is, or if Jaycee is here at all. And if she isn't, who put the note there?

When I snap back into reality, leaving my thoughts un-resolved, sitting in the back of mind, Mr. Crepson is writing a page number on the board. As I pull my history book, and begin flipping to page 135, the door opens... and Jaycee walks in.

"Sorry i'm late," she smiles shyly, "Mrs. Massey wanted to talk to me."

"Okay," he says, taking the note she had. "It's good to have you back." He adds with a smile, and I couldn't help but agree.

*

"Hey sweetie," my mother smiles to me as I walk in the door.

"Hey mum." I say, returning the smile.

"How was practice?"

"Good, I think i'm going to lay down for a bit, i'm sore."

"I'm sure you are!" She chuckles, "That coach can sometimes - nevermind. Dinner's on the stove." I smile and nod, before retiring into my bedroom.

After stripping completly out of my sweaty clothes, I change into a pair of gym shorts, leaving my chest bare. I lay down on my bed and pull the book out of my bag. I open it up, and on the cover, it says, "From Jaycee."

I flip to the next page, and notice, "New York City, April 2013",  written on the next page, in different colored letters. I start flipping through the pages, and notice that every page has one or two pictures. Some of her, some of her and her father. Others were of landmarks, such as the Statue of Liberty, or the Empire State building. I take time to analyze every picture, and in all of the ones of her - she's smiling.

A beautiful smile, one of the prettiest i've ever seen. And her eyes seem to sparkle with all the excitement going around her. She seems happy, and it makes me happy to see her that way. But it the back of mind, I wonder if i'll ever be able to make her happy, like she is in these pictures. After a moment of feeling sorry for myself, I turn to the last page, where a envelope is taped to it. I take it off and open it, dumping the contents on my bed. I notice a letter and key chain. The key chain is turned face down so I cant see what it says, but I figure i'll bother with it later.

30 minutes later, the letter is dropped to my chest and my mouth is hanging wide open.

"I love you."

I kept looking back to it, wondering if it was real or if im just making the whole thing up. Suddenly, I remember the key chain by my side. I pick it up, and read the words. And again, it says, "I love you."  And that's all the proof I need.

Jaycee Collins loves me. 

*

"Jaycee,

You've been gone for a couple days now, and you don't know the pain and confusion i've been through, not knowing where you are, or why you left without saying goodbye.

Right now, i'm sitting down at my desk, my body soaked from the rain and my face soaked from the tears. I'm not crying because you left, Jaycee, and I don't ever want you blaming yourself for what i'm about to say, because it isn't your fault at all - it's mine. Jay, i'm crying right now because this is probably the hardest thing i've ever had to say. And I can only imagine the pain you're going to feel when I really say it, and as you lay down, re-reading the words, trying to make sense of it all.

After I say this, I give you permission to hate me, because I deserve it. You are an amazing, beautiful, smart and talented young lady, and trust me when I say any guy would be lucky to have you. 

And now it's time for me to say it -- i'm scared, Jaycee. I'm not scared of you, or of what you'll think when I tell you who's been writing you these letters for the past two months. I'm scared because you have touched somewhere so deep down in me. You've touched my heart, my soul, and my feelings. You've made me talk of love and the future, and you've made me feel. And i'm scared of that. I'm scared that who's talking to you now isn't the person I really am. I'm scared i've only been saying the things i've been saying to impress you, and it's not fair. It isn't fair to me, nor you.

I know you're going to be mad at me once you read this, and by all means, be mad. But, please Jaycee, understand. If you find this hard to understand, please try, for me. Please know i'm not doing this as a joke. I'm not doing it to intentionally hurt your feelings, because i'd never do that - just somewhere down the road, I don't want you to fall in love with 'yours truly', if he isn't real. 

I'm sorry Jaycee, I hope one day you find the perfect guy, and you get married, and live the life you've dreamed about. I hope all your wishes come true and you feel passion in everything you do. I hope you can stay strong through the hard times, and keep pushing through. I hope you can finally love with all of your heart and not be scared. I hope you find someone you can be fearless around, the guy you can kiss in the rain - the person that's your other half. I hope you find your penguin, and I wish you two the happiest life together. I hope you find a guy that will live the life with you I wish I had.

I'll never forget you Jaycee,

Yours Truly."

After reading through my goodbye over and over, I do the only sensible thing I can think of, I rip it in half, and throw it in the trash can.

Jaycee Collins loves me, and there's no way i'm letting that slip through my fingers -

again.

*

I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG.

I HAD WRITERS BLOCK.

ANYWHO, I LOVE YOU ALL! 

xoxo.