Addicted To You (yaoi/boy+boy)

Ch. 37 - Lost

(Takashi's POV)

The moment he ran, I felt like I'd lost everything.

But what was I supposed to say??...

I couldn't tell Ren. I couldn't tell him, because things would just get worse.

That statement actually seemed wrong. How could Juro's harassment get worse? Other than having sex, which he, thankfully, couldn't complete at school. I was beyond scared to death.

The bruising was out of control. His fucking kisses made me sick. I couldn't tell Ren. I couldn't tell anyone. And Juro made sure of it. Life was falling down for us.

I kept on worrying about my boyfriend, and his cancer. He didn't have the time to worry about me. And he didn't have the time to be through this stress. I couldn't take it anymore.

I wanted to be rid of all this. Whatever it was. Life was just one depressing song put on repeat until Ren showed up. Then....

.....then the music changed.

It was happy first.

Then excited and nervous.

And now.....it was horrifying.

Erratic.

Never fucking ending.

I wasn't even sure who to blame anymore.

Ren?

Juro?

Keita?

Myself??...

It was beyond everything now.

I was LOST.

And now, I was running right out of the school for Ren.

And when I didn't find him, I ran for my home.

I cried loudly as I ran for it, a large lump in my throat. It was painful.

Not a minute later, I'd already made it to the house. When I got in, my eyes were wide. I slammed the door, locking it. I hurried downstairs to my cluttered studio, avoiding Simba's confused meows.

When I got to my table full of equipment, I collapsed on the floor beside it. I put my hood over my head and grabbed my knees, bringing my legs to my chest. I heaved, sobbing and panting.

Each time I took a breath, it hurt. My chest felt like it would cave in at any moment. My heart felt empty without Ren right beside me. I hated being away from him.

"FUCKING, FUCK YOU, JURO!!! YOU ASSHOLE!!!!" I screamed as loud as I could. I sobbed harder, clutching my jeans. "...f-fuck....t-this.....I-I.....want....to be a....n-nobody again......I....h-hate myself....." I said between sobs.

A million thoughts raced angrily in my head.

Only one stood out.

My eyes widened and I froze, my cries halting.

The idea was stupid. More than stupid. It hurt to think about it. But it was the only thing I could bare to contemplate at the moment.

I stood painfully, dragging my feet past my paintings and upstairs. I basically limped to the kitchen. I opened one of the drawers.

A bunch of silverware was mixed in it.
I eyed one utensil.
The medium-sized knife.
It was jagged. Perfect to use.
With that, I grasped its handle and headed back to the studio, allowing my tears to stream down. I didn't gasp though. I could only hiccup.

I moved in front of a blank canvas.
I thought one more time.
When I made up my mind, I held up my left arm and rolled up my sleeve.
Then, I pressed the blade against the skin....

....and when the beautiful shade of red came, I just brushed it against the endless blank white.....

~~~

(A/N: Hey guys! Thank you all SO much for these votes!! XO I've been crying with joy!!...it's so unbelievable...anyway, I'm sorry about the depressing aura of this chapter, but it kinda revolved around how I'm feeling right now! Sorry :/ but, trust me, it'll get better!...I won't spoil it for you, though. There must be at least a few surprises ;) ....but I hope you've enjoyed so far! Thanks again!! <3 - Hanihato)