Addicted To You (yaoi/boy+boy)

Ch. 18 - Worry

I heard Takashi sigh intently above me. "....you still don't want to talk about it?...." He asked in his quiet voice. My grip around him tightened. I buried my face deeper in his shirt. "...no....." I murmured. He brought a hand up and stroked the back of my head. "...it seems to be pretty important, Ren. Should I be worried?..."

I pressed my lips together, trying not to cry again. I thought, desperately trying to get out of that question. I thought about how to answer it. "....I don't want you to worry." I ended up saying, half pleading. He didn't make a sound, resting his chin on the top of my head. "That's an entirely different thing." He told me at a normal tone.

"I have to worry if it's bothering you. I don't want it to hurt you...whatever it is. I want to help you....." His voice trailed off. I couldn't help my face heating up and the tears pouring out once again. "...b-but you can't help me.....it.....it's going to h-hurt me whether we want it t-to, or not......" I stammered, trying to avoid the actual word, since it made me sick. The boy's warm hand froze on my head, and his other hand gripped the shirt on my back. "...Ren....." He whispered.

"....it's okay.....I don't care what it is. I'm going to be here with you, and everything's going to be fine....." He said. I let out a sob, half coughing on it. I held onto him for dear life. It didn't even feel like I had much of it.

"Why does everyone say that??..." I asked loudly. "Nobody knows if everything's going to end up okay! I could.....I......" I stopped. Then, I moved up and hugged Takashi, burying my face in his shoulder. "....you, what?...." He mumbled, and I knew he didn't want to hear. He sounded just as sad as I did. "....Ren..." "I could die, okay??...."

Everything went quiet. I felt him stiffen, and I shook. My tears poured out, and my nose even started running. I tasted the salty tears on my lips as I listened for his voice. Nothing for about a minute.

Then it pained me to hear. He was crying, too. I hurriedly moved away to look at his face. Takashi's beautiful brown eyes were wide with fear and sadness, and he didn't even look at me. That broke my heart. He looked worse than he had the previous times he'd cried. "Please don't cry!" I found myself blurting. That's when he found my eyes. The two of us sniffled as we sobbed, until I leaned in quickly and smashed my lips to his. We cried still, but the tears seemed to calm down. It felt like, for those few passing moments, that we were the only two people alive.

I closed my eyes and my brows furrowed harder as I deepened the sad, but passionate kiss. I wanted him, and only him.

I leaned back, grasping the sides of his face with my hands. He placed his shaking hands on mine and we continued. After a slow minute, Takashi broke the kiss and locked his fingers between mine, leaning down to kiss my neck. We'd stop crying, and went into this auto-mode. All I wanted was Takashi. And I could feel it.....that all the young artist wanted was me, too.

I kissed the top of his midnight black hair as he planted kisses along until he finally reached my chest. He proceeded to remove my shirt shakily, and then I did the same.

The night carried on slow like that. We did nothing but touch and kiss each other until we eventually fell asleep together, limp on his bed.

Takashi never pushed me. He never begged me to tell him what exactly was wrong with me. In fact, he didn't even know yet that I was plagued with cancer. All he knew was that I could possibly die, if not treated very soon. We also didn't even give a shit about school the next day.

I never even called Yuka, despite how broken or torn up she might've been. I cared, don't get me wrong, but.....I didn't want to put up with it. Something told me that she'd been taking care of me for her own pointless reasons, and not for my happiness. I could see it in her eyes. Feel it in her aura. She only wanted to live up to that promise she made....that was the impression I was under.

As that day ended, my philosophy changed. Majorly. I could just tell that nothing would be the same.....

.....and life wasn't as perfect as it'd felt a week ago.