Addicted To You (yaoi/boy+boy)

Ch. 35 - Troubled

.....surgery......

........surgery.........

..............surgery...??........

She knows I'm fucking horrified of surgery!!

Just the thought of it scares me!!!

Whether that fear be rational, or irrational, I don't care!

I don't want to do it.

I'm not going to do it!

I won't let them do that to me, and I don't care how much it could help!!...

Tears found their way down my cheeks, heating up my entire face. I flushed and held myself, allowing my sobs to crack my cries. I tried to be as quiet as I could. Even if I was loud, I couldn't even hear it.

No!

This is such a scary thing to think about!!

It's haunted me forever, and now I have to think about letting them do it to me?!?!?!

I hate this!!!

Why me?!?!

Why do I have cancer???

Why has it been brought up NOW of all times????!!!!

Suddenly, I felt a shove on the door behind me. I gasped, my heart thudding nervously. My eyes widened in the dark and I stiffened against the door. "R-Ren! Open up!" Yuka yelped. I pushed back more as she pounded.

"Yuka, just go away! I want to be alone!!" I cried back, putting a hand to my face. I heard her groan. "Ren! Please, you...you can't just keep overreacting about this!....I know how you might feel, but....I'm here for you." Her voice got low and her banging and pushing stopped. I didn't move.

I felt her slide against the other side of the door, presumably to sit down as I had. I cried quietly and glared at darkness. It was kinda creeping me out, but I didn't care much then. I just worried about various things.

"Ren..." I heard Yuka whine, stretching my name. The sound of her voice made me want to sob more. Heck, I didn't care who talked. It'd make me cry harder. I didn't know why I did this.....I should be better.....I wasn't going through surgery, I'd only heard about it and I was having a stupid break down. Maybe it was just because I was aware of this. And my cancer.

Fucking cancer.

"....will you please open the door?.....I said it was a decision you had to make. I mean, I want you to say you'll go through with it, but......it's your choice. Not anyone else's."

Yuka explained quietly. I sniffed, wiping my face. I closed my eyes, willing myself to speak.

"....y-you......you promise?...." I asked her under my breath. She seemed a bit surprised at my reply, but then answered herself.

"......yeah.....I promise, Ren. It's whatever you feel comfortable with." It didn't make me feel better, though. Now, I only felt like I had to be selfish, or selfless. Like my decision could either disappoint me, or everyone else in my life.

Then, I heard Yuka chuckle. "....now, damn bro.....if you don't open this door right now, I'm probably going to start singing.....I mean, you clearly don't want to build a snowman....." I couldn't help but smile and laugh. She must have heard, since I heard her stand. I did too, figuring I had to since she already convinced most of me.

I opened the door slowly, hiding my eyes behind my hair as the light came pouring in. I felt Yuka hug me, then move away. My face had fell even more.

"Ren, I just need you to think about it. Will you? For me?...." I nodded blindly. "...sure....."

After standing there, staring at the ground, I heard her speak up again.

"....I'm thinking....."

I glanced up.

"....something with a bunch of cheese?......"

A slight smile crossed my lips and I sniffled.

".....fuck yeah......"