Faith Restored

Chapter 1

Sadaf's POV

I wasn't your typical good Pakistani girl... You know the ones that are bought up as good Muslims that cover, respect they're whole family, know how to cook and clean. However, I was not that bad either. I was well aware that my deen was not perfect. I had read the Quran and I also knew how to pray, but I did not pray as often as I should be. Tbh I had no excuse for it. I did know how to cook and clean but had learnt while I was round the age of 17 or 18 and that is an old age for a Pakistani. Another thing, before assumptions are made I was not at all disrespectful either or bought up as rude girl, my only problem was that I spoke my mind and stood up for what I thought was right. This caused me a lot of telling off by my aunties and uncles. I would only think they did not understand because they do not know what it is like to be in my position.

I was born into a family which had nothing but love for one another. It was an extended family and the bond between each one of us was very strong... But that was only what was shown to the kids... My grandad did not want any of his grandchildren to know of any trouble in the family and to be kept away from all issues. From the grandchildren I was second eldest, I had an older sister who was only 11 months apart, also a younger brother and sister. We also lived with my cousin who was considered no less of a sibling.

So it was my grandparents, parents, uncle and aunt and the grandchildren, we all lived under one roof... And I know what you're thinking, it's a lot of people but Pakistani's somehow find a way to manage. My dad also had two sister's they lived near us but in their own houses because they are married.

I had always thought of my parents to be a happy couple until we had moved to another house, when I was about 9 and that's when the cracks started to show....
My grandparents had really given their grandchildren all the blessing possible, they had taught us how to be good Muslims and to know what was wrong and what was right. They were very active grandparents and played a major role in our lives and we had become extremely close to them too.

My family elders had decided after my youngest sister was born that another house would be built and that is where me, my siblings and parents would live, as we were the bigger family. My grandma was also supposed to move in with us but she had found it too hard to make the adjustment due to her illness and disability. She was blind and was too scared to move into a new environment.

I had noticed that things had started to change once we had moved into the new house. I had a bad feeling about it from the beginning and I could see why within months of moving. My dad had completely changed, we didn't see much of him before due to work but now we were seeing him more often. However, it was not the dad we had thought we would be. It was like he was a changed man. He would sleep all day and if he was not asleep he would be arguing with my mum over small issues and even letting his anger out on us. It has become really bad, he had started getting major mood swings and sometimes it was like he did not realise what he was doing.
I noticed a big change when he would play fight with my brother, but then he would end up hurting him and when my brother would start crying he would tell him off for crying or even make fun of him. My brother was only a 7 year old child, so it would be justified for him to cry. He started doing the same thing to me but I was stronger and older so I never cried once in front of him, even though I would be left with bruises too. I remember the worst memory of him was when I was 10 he was forcing me to give a kiss on my brother's cheek and I hated kissing anyone. I would never give anyone a kiss, not even my mum. So, I refused to kiss my brother and he grabbed my face trying to force my again but his try could not get him anywhere. He had become frustrated so he decided to take his dirty socks off, which were covered with sweat and had stuffed it in my mouth. He had found this all very amusing, I had no choice but to run to the bathroom crying.

You're all probably thinking where my mum was when all this was happening. She was there and she has tried to stop it but she can only do so much because she knew if she had physically stopped him, he would end up doing much worse to her and her torture would go on for days. I had always told my mum I was going to tell my grandparents but my mum had always stopped me and said to have faith in my dad and he would stop all these torturous acts.

After a year my dad had now found a job in London, he was living there and would frequently come back home. In those days his mood was much better and I had finally thought he was back to the same father I always thought he was.

It did not last long though, I was thirteen when I had found an envelope which had written on it 'Mr M and Mrs I Khan' . It was definitely my father's letter but it was addressed to him and another women who was not my mother. I had shown this to my mum and she explained to me that this could be proof that my father had married again. My heart had broken into tiny pieces when my mother told me this, I did not show one tear to my mum but cried myself to sleep. My mother's reaction was not as surprised, she had said she knew for a while what kind of man my father really was and this act did not surprise her at all. My mum had told me to keep this a secret that only me n her knew of and to have faith in Allah, he is surely all-knowing...