48. PANCHI

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  As soon as she used the word mother, I lost any control I had over my emotions. I felt my heart lighten after I said all those things I've been meaning to say to her all those years. When she finally left, I felt like I could breathe again. I sat down and processed what just happened.

"How can you say your mother is dead when she was alive? You have no idea how it feels to actually see your moth-" Vihang said after I finally relaxed. His words hit straight in my chest. All this while I controlled my tears knowing he was there, but now he himself blamed me. My eyes once again formed a pool of tears but I refused to let any fall.

He barged out to the balcony before I could defend my decision. Not that I was in any state to do so but still. "Forgive my brother, this not him speaking. It's the three year old Vihang who saw her mother's body burn infront of him" she said looking somewhere behind me. Many questions took shelter in my mind.

Vartika must have saw the look on my face. She gestured me to sit so I did as told. "It's not my story to share Panchi, but" then she told why Vihang was so worked up. Like she said, she didn't shared any details but told me all the important stuff. Before I could press her for more details, her phone rang. "It's from the hospital, I have to take this. But just go and talk to him Panchi, he really cares about you" she said and disappeared behind the kitchen.

I stood there watching Vihang and processing yet another life altering information. I poured water in the same glass Vihang gave me few minutes back and took it out in the balcony where he was sitting. Without saying anything, I sat next to him keeping a little distance between us. I raised the glass infront of him and remained like that till he took it.

Only after a few minutes I spoke. "I'm sorry. I didn't know about your mother. But I had my reasons to do what I did and I'm not sorry for that Vihang" I said. A muscle in his jaw twitched but he remained silent. I was about to leave him with his thoughts but when I got up he held my wrist, so I settled beside him reducing the earlier distance.

"When I was one year old, my Ammu went for a routine check-up" he said. His words were heavy with sadness, I wanted to hug him for comfort but instead, I let him continue. "She came back with a diagnosis of breast cancer. She was a stubborn lady, just like you" his gaze which was fixed on the city lights shifted to me.

I saw my hands holding his arms. A small, very soft smile covered my lips. Something twinkled in his eyes. Then again he shifted his eyes to the front. "She battled with her disease for two years before her body gave up" he said. Now any distance between us was gone and my head was resting on his shoulder.

I could feel his heart racing through his chest. After a pause he spoke again, as if toying with the thought of letting me in his vulnerability. I squeezed his arm a little assuring him that I was here with him, just like he did back when I was on a verge of breakdown.

"You know dad tells me, Ammu was fierce, never hesitated from speaking her mind. Ammu, dad and massi, all studied together in college, then she and dad fell in love" My smile widened a little. I held Vihang more tightly. "When massi felt left out, Ammu played a little matchmaking and introduced dad's best friend with massi" he chuckled, as if he was there to see all this.

Something warm spread over my chest, seeing Vihang smile like this. I knew before, I felt something for him but, today, I knew exactly what that was. I loved him. I loved Vihang. "After Ammu left us, massi took care of us. But dad was lonely and it was evident. So massi took matter in her hands and decided to find someone for dad" his words brought me back from my thoughts.

"And then she introduced your maa and your dad" I finished his sentence. He nodded resting his head on mine. Both our fixed on the city lights. His presence was giving the same comfort, once I felt around dad. And suddenly dad's words echoed in my ears.

"You know little sparrow" his voice broke my own chain of thoughts. The way he said little sparrow makes my stomach twist in ways I never thought could happen. I hummed in reply. "In you, I see so much of Ammu, you are like her in so many ways" he continued. His words compelled me to do something I wouldn't do otherwise.

"Vihang" I called his name and we both turned to face each other. Our eyes locked. He opened his mouth to speak but I shushed him and placed a finger on his lips. "I love you Vihang" I confessed my feelings and placed my lips on his. And before realising, I was kissing Vihang. My Vihang, the one I hated earlier. Now I was the one kissing him.  

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