41. PANCHI

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   "I was just correcting his tie and the next thing I know, his lips were on mine. And then we kissed. I felt a tingling in my whole body. I don't know to explain this but Dida, it was magical" I said to the picture frame kept in front of me. It's been a week since Vihang and I Kissed. It sounds so weird even after repeating these words so many times. Since I can't share it with Sid, my only best friend, I decided to tell my Dida. I had to get it out of my system.

The whole week I couldn't stop thinking about it. Kissing Vihang. It's wrong, isn't it? I hate him. Or I did. But when did my feeling for him changed? Why did he kissing me felt so right? I was consumed by my thoughts when dad came home and called out my name. He was in the kitchen. Dad started going to the office but I warned him to be back early every day and don't work too much. For this I requested Gopal uncle to keep an eye on him.

"Look what I bought" dad said showing me a polythene. I took it and opened it. It was my favorite samosa and jalebi from my favorite sweet shop. I jumped out of excitement and thanked dad. "You are not eating this. I've already made dal and sabji for you. Go change and I'll make hot chapatti" I jerked his hand away. He grunted and left.

I kneaded the dough and lighted the gas. While making dinner I also kept eating without realizing I left rest of the snacks in the lobby. As soon as I came out to get the serving bowl, I saw dad opening the packet and trying to be sneaky like a child. I cleared my throat to make him aware of my presence. He smiled sheepishly and kept the packet on the table. I shot him a disappointing look and left with the packet.

"You know you are very bossy, just like your mother" he said while eating. Just the mention of her changed my mood. Dad saw this and sighed, as if preparing for a lecture. To escape it, I was about to go to the kitchen but he asked me to stay. I sat there eating my jalebi, which lost all its sweetness to be honest.

"Princess, I know how you feel about your mother. I've forgiven her and so should you. When I'm gone, she'll be your only family" his words felt like a punch in the stomach. I don't how can he let go of what she did but I can't. I can never forgive her, and will not under any circumstances accept her. Her image flashed infront of me which made my chest hurt.

"She was dead to me the day she left her five year old daughter and ran off with her lover" I said while tears rolled down my cheeks. Before dad could say anything I ran to my room and shut the door. Sitting on the floor, I cried hugging my pillow for comfort. I crawled under my bed and took out a box I hid there. It was filled with all her memories. It reminds me how much I hate her.

A knock at my door woke me up. Without realizing I dosed off under the bed. It was dad asking me to open up. I cleaned my eyes before letting him in. "I'm sorry princess. My intentions were not to upset you, I'd never do anything to her you bacha" he said sitting on the bed. I sat next to him but kept silent.

He was holding the plate I left on the dining table. I noticed half samosa was missing so to change the subject and to lighten the mood I pointed it out and asked him to confess. After a few minutes of talking and laughing on his silly jokes he asked me about Vihang. I didn't know what to say so I told him that Vihang was busy.

"He really loves you princess, and he's probably your first boyfriend, that I approve of" his words took me by surprise and I immediately corrected him. I told him we were just friends. He just nodded and stood up. Standing at the door he turned towards me. "I've noticed the way he looks at you, like he never wants to look away" he said and disappeared behind the door.

After dad left Vihang's face flashed in front of me. That feeling of his lips on mine, his taste still lingered. His presence, the way he calls me by that nickname, the way he held me, the way he looks at me. "I've noticed the way he looks at you, like he never wants to look away"

Dad'swords repeated in mind for the whole night. Usually after a good cry, sleepscomes easy to me, but tonight I kept tossing and turning in my bed. It was pastmidnight. I thought of finishing my novel. I lighted my scented candle andturned on the reading lamp. I turned to the page where I left of last night. I couldn'teven finish two pages without thinking of Vihang. Frustrated, I took out myphone and did something I'll definitely regret later.

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