43. PANCHI

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  I tiptoed to my room and closed the door. Tonight was too much overwhelming so I decided not to think of anything at all. I shut my brain and closed my eyes. Lying on the bed I didn't realize when I fell asleep hugging Mr Bear, my favorite soft toy.

I woke up with puffy eyes and a severe headache. I searched for my phone to check the time but couldn't find it. After requesting Manju didi to make me some coffee, I freshened up. When after searching for ten minutes I couldn't find my phone, I called it from the landline, only to remember it must have fallen somewhere in Vihang's car.

"Fuck!" I cursed the universe and myself for being so dumb. Dad saw me and asked what was wrong. I paused mid-sentence because, obviously I can't tell my father that I snuck out in the middle of the night with a guy.

"My phone uh broke last night, so I was just calling Sid to let him know" I said and disappeared in the kitchen to get my coffee. It felt horrible to lie to dad but telling him the truth isn't an option. Thankfully my WhatsApp was logged in on my iPad. After last night, texting Vihang was a bit awkward. I asked him to check his car.

He replied within a minute and told me that he has my phone and was on his to return it. I panicked and jumped. Coffee fell on my clothes and the white rug. I called Manju didi and asked her to clean it so that the stains are removed. 'Meet me at the canteen' I texted Vihang and went to take a quick shower.

I saw the time on my IPad and realized how terribly late I was getting. I quickly applied the hair serum but skipped blow drying since it is very time consuming. "Bye Paa! I'm leaving for college" I shouted from the door. After tying my wet hair in loose bun, I gathered my stuff and left for college.

Before entering, I stood in front of the main gate and took a deep breath to prepare myself. Facing Vihang after his confession is something I can never be ready for. "You can do this Panchi, just don't cry and stay strong" I muttered to myself and held my bag tightly. Vihang was already waiting for me. After gathering all the courage I could, I walked towards him.

This few second walk felt like it was the longest walk of my life. Vihang saw me mid-way and covered the distance between us. I could hear my heart beat so fast. Even though the sun was shining brightly over my head, my hands were ice cold. "Hi" Vihang's voice reached my ears. To stop myself from crying, I made a tight fist. As a result my nails dug in the skin, leaving a nail impression. I swallowed a lump in my throat before speaking.

"My phone?" I directly asked him, skipping the initial greeting. He took it out from his pocket and grabbed my wrist with his other hand, pulling me closer. I gasped at his sudden action. I asked him to leave me but he didn't budge.

"Just once look me in the eye and tell me that you don't feel anything for me. Tell me that your heart doesn't race when I touch you like this. Or that you don't like it when I get this close to you. Tell me little sparrow" Vihang said sliding his hand under my waist. My heart was in my mouth. I could feel his heart beat against mine.

Tears welled up in my eyes so I closed them and remained silent. I felt Vihang's thumb on my face. He was cleaning a drop of tear that managed to fall from my eye. I slowly opened my eyes. Vihang was still holding me close. "Please Vihang, let me go" I urged him, not just to let go of me now, but to forget about me and to move on in his life.

"That's the thing about love little sparrow, you can never let go. Even if you try" he said grabbing my hand. He kept the phone on my hand and left. I stood there like a statue, processing what he just said. Tears rolled down my eyes as I watched him go. 

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