21 JUMP STREET LOVE WITH TOM HANSON

CHAPTER 80: FACING FEARS

Tom said that I should take a nap, so I laid down, but had trouble going to sleep with so much on my mind.

I slept for a little while, and then when I woke up, I went into the living room.

I heard Elicia and Alicia laughing.  I watched as Tom had them both and had their bears, and was talking in a bear voice, making them laugh.

Tom is so good with the girls, they adore him. What have I done? They are just babies. And now Tom has one more responsibility. How will I do this without him, if he has to leave, or if another case comes up, and he goes undercover.  I'm being selfish I know, but I'm actually relieved that he hasn't wanted to be on any cases.  With me not being able to do cases now. I love getting to spend all this time with him. I feel like we have lost so much time together, with me being stupid, and then Tom being on that case, and framed.

The girls need him, more than I do. And I need him so much.

I hate feeling like I'm going to lose him. I love him so much. Even more now than the day I married him. Sometimes I'm so scared I can't even breathe. Scared of losing him.

Tom saw me watching them.  Tom said, "girls there is your beautiful mommy."

Tom said, "Sydney how are you feeling?"

I said, "okay." 

Tom said, "Can I get you anything to eat? Or to drink?"

I said, "I guess I will have a protein shake, and maybe some toast. I'm not too hungry. But I'll get it."

Tom said, "no you come sit down. Take the girls. I'll get it."

I said, "Tom I'm fine. I don't need you babying me and waiting on me like I'm helpless. Like I'm an invalid or something. I'm not incapacitated. I can do things for myself."

Tom said, "I know. I'm sorry."

Before he could finish saying he was sorry, I apologized.  I didn't mean for that to come out so harsh. I just hate how I'm tying him down. Now he has one more person, to take care of. This baby. For him to try and take care of me, it's too much.

I said, "I'm so sorry Tom. I didn't mean that to sound harsh or mean. I appreciate you wanting to take care of me, I just feel so bad that I'm putting so much on you. Having to take care of me on top of the girls and another baby. Excuse me."

I went to the bedroom crying.

Tom's mom came in the door as I was leaving to go to the bedroom.

She said, "hi honey."  I burst out crying more, and she looked at Tom.

Tom said, "She's stressed out."

His mom said, "she was dehydrated, I'm sure she doesn't feel good."

Tom said, "mom can you please take the girls"

She took them, and Tom came into the bedroom.

I was sitting on the bed. Crying. I hate I'm so emotional and crying all the time. 

Tom knelt down. He put his hands on my knees.  I put my hand on his.

Tom said, "Sydney I love you. I want to take care of you. I know you don't need me to, you can do it yourself, but because I was so stupid and careless and ended up in prison, and wasn't there for you when you were pregnant, I want to be here now. I hated that I let you down again, and the other guys and Dennis had to take care of you. That's my job. I guess I'm trying too hard to take care of you. I just want to."

I said, "I love you. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be harsh or snap at you. I just don't want to put more on you. You do so much for the girls. They need you."