Percy Jackson: Daughter of Shadows

11. I Distract Cerberus and Hit Hades in the Face with a Rock

We got off Charon's ferry and followed the shades up a well-worn path. The entrance looked exactly how I remembered it. Like a cross between airport security and the Jersey Turnpike. (I think I killed a couple of skeletons there once, or was it in the Eifel Tower? Probably both, I really need to heighten my price for doing quests at Haven) The dead had split into three lanes, two marked ATTENDANT ON DUTY, and E-Z DEATH. The E-Z DEATH lane was moving right along, while the other two were crawling. Percy and Annabeth were deep in conversation about how the lanes worked. "Lilly?" Percy asked. "Yeah?" "Who are the current judges on the court?" "They switch around a lot, but I think that it's currently King Minos, Thomas Jefferson, and Shakespeare. Or at least, that's who was on duty last time I was down here" "Last time?" Grover bleated, horrified. "Yeah, let's just say, never go to Tartarus unprepared, it reallly sucks" "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN TO TARTARUS?!  DEMIGODS ARENT SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE DOWN THERE!" Grover yelled, panic-stricken. "Four, and lower your voice, Cerberus is awake" "But how-" Grover began, but Viktor covered his mouth. He whispered something in his ear and nodded. Grover turned from him to me and nodded back. "What was that about?" I asked. "Nothing, don't worry about it, he's just a bit antsy" "Okay.... anyways, how do you all want to do this?" I asked Percy. "What do you mean?" "Well, we could wait and try to sneak-" "NO! E-Z Death lane is quicker" "Got it, well then, off we go!" 

  We were passing the Fields of Asphodel when Grover and Percy stopped. "What?" I asked. "Percy wants to understand how the different parts of the Underworld work" "What does he want to know?" "Like how it works for people who believe in a different god" "I'm going to go ahead and assume that you told him what I expect you did?" "What did you expect?" "Oh, just the fact that humans tend to be stubborn and persistent like that" Grover blushed. "Mhm, that's what I thought. Hurry up now, we're almost at the end" We got to the end of the E-Z Death lane when Percy whimpered. "He's a Rottweiler" "Who, Cerberus? Yep, he's a Rottweiler" "How are you so calm right now?" "Easy, Chase probably has a plan, right?" Annabeth shook her head. "Well then, we're screwed" "I've got an idea" Percy said. Cerberus growled. "Hey, Big Fella," Percy called up. "I bet they don't play with you often" "GROWWWLLLL!" "Good boy" Percy said weakly. He waved a stick. Cerberus's middle head followed the movement. The other two were ignoring it, staring at Percy. "Fetch!" Percy threw the stick into the gloom. I heard it go ker-sploosh in the River Styx. Cerberus was now making a new growl, lower. Grover was panicking, and Percy and Annabeth weren't doing much to help. Annabeth produced a small red ball from her bag. She began waving it in front of Cerberus. "You see the ball? You want the ball?" she asked Cerberus, still waving the ball. "Sit!" Cerberus licked his chops and sat down on top of a lane of shades. The spirits made a low hissing noise as they dispersed from underneath him. Annabeth threw the ball. "Good boy!" Cerberus caught it in his jaws, the left and right head attempting to take it from the middle.  "Drop it!" Annabeth ordered. Cerberus's heads stopped fighting and looked at her. He dropped the ball at her feet. "Nice plan, Chase. One tiny problem though" "What?" "THAT BALL IS WAY TO SMALL FOR THREE HEADS!"  The walls of the Underworld shook. "Shhhhh!" Grover hissed. Viktor elbowed him. "What's your plan then?" Annabeth asked, tossing me the ball which was nearly split in half. "Hold on" I took the ball and squeezed it. The ball began to glow and doubled in size and grew a handle and two other balls attached to it. "This, is my plan" I said, holding the new set of balls up. Cerberus looked at me, all of his heads on the ball. "How far do you want me to through it?" I asked Percy. "Um, can you get it back to the other side of the Styx?" "Sure thing" I swung the balls over my head. "You want the ball, Cerberus?" Cerberus barked and wagged his tail. Weird. "Go... GET IT!" I sent the balls flying across the Styx. Cerberus bound after it. "Hurry, hurry!" We rushed past the spirits and entered the way straight to, to quote myself here, literal hell.

  We had almost gotten past Elysium and Eternal Damnation when Grover's flying shoes started acting up. "Maia!" He yelled, getting pulled away from us. "Grover!" Annabeth yelled, chasing after him. "Maia! Nine-one-one! Help!" "Untie the shoes!" Viktor yelled, turning his cane into a sword. "What are you gonna do, chop his hooves off?!" I yelled, following Grover, Annabeth and Percy. "Grover! Grab onto something!" Percy yelled. "What?" Grover yelled back. He was grabbing at the gravel, but there was nothing large enough for him to grab onto to. I stopped when I saw what was in front of us. A large dark cavern, chasm, was pulling Grover into it. The left shoe flew off and the right shoe joined it shortly after. Annabeth and Percy grabbed Grover and pulled him away from the edge. "What was that?" Percy asked. "Tartarus" I said. "What?" "The entrance to Tartarus" Percy, Annabeth and Grover stared at the pit. "That's Tartarus?" "Yes. Hurry up, let's go. We've got to see Hades." 

  We passed through the Garden of Persephone, narrowly dodging Percy grabbing a pomegranate. We arrived at a set of doors guarded by two skeleton soldiers carrying bayonets. "Um, should we knock?" Percy asked. The doors seemed to answer immediately. "I think that means entrez-vous" Annabeth said. 

  It was official, I hate the gods. Hades was sitting on his throne, wearing black robes with the souls of the damned sewn into them. I prayed that none were sewed into his underwear. "You are brave to come here, Son of Poseidon," Hades said in an oily voice. "After what you have done to me, very brave indeed. (I swear, if this was a movie, and if he was still alive, Alan Rickman could've played Hades, honestly.) "Or perhaps you are simply very foolish" "Shut up, Your Royal Assholeness and tell us where Jackson's mom is" Hades looked over at me, I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Maybe anger or maybe he was shocked, I don't know. "You are unusually rude to the gods, Lilly" "Only my friends can call me Lilly, that or my family. So, seeing as my dad is a dead-beat and my mom's gone, I can't think of a reason why you should be allowed to call me that" Hades smiled. "You sound like your mother" I stepped in front of Percy, swords out. "You know nothing of my mother. Keep your filthy mouth shut, you son of a bitch. Even if you somehow have a clue what she was like, I'd rather have Zeus for a father than you" Hades looked rather taken aback, almost hurt. "Ahem, back to my conversation with you, Perseus Jackson. Give me the Master Bolt, and you shall have your mother" "I don't have the bolt" Percy said, but I didn't trust it. "Percy, give me the backpack" "What?" "Give it to me, now" Percy handed me the backpack. I opened the zipper and looked inside. 

The Master Bolt was inside the bag. 

 "How did-" "Ares, that ass. He set us up" "But how? Gods can't steal other gods symbols of power" "Not directly, anyhow. He probably didn't have one of his kids take it, it was probably some hero he somehow paid off, the scumbag" "Are you sure?" "Positive" "Decide, Jackson" Hades said. I shoved the bolt back into the bag. "Percy, the pearls. Use the pearls" "What?" "Use the pearls to get yourself and Annabeth and Grover out. Viktor and I will be right behind you" "What about my mother?" "Percy, she won't let you stay down here by yourself, and I'm not risking yours and Annabeth and Grover's safety with Ares and Zeus. Wait to get back to the mortal world, and you'll understand" Percy hesitated, and then nodded. "Great" "Jackson?" Hades said, questioning. "I'll bring back your helm, Uncle" "How did you-" "He had a great teacher" I said, wheeling around. "Lilly... Black, be sensible. You won't let Jackson leave his mother down here, will you?" "Not entirely, Your Highness. Percy, now!" Percy, Annabeth and Grover smashed the pearls at their feet. "Hint, Hades," I said, slinging the backpack over my shoulder. "Always be prepared to abandon the plan" I took a rock from the ground and chucked it at Hades face. "Viktor, now!" Viktor smashed the pearls at our feet as Hades howled in pain. I watched as the Underworld and Hades throne room disappeared beneath us. We met Percy and Annabeth and Grover back in the middle of the Santa Monica shore. "What now?" Annabeth asked. "Now," I sighed, passing the bag to Viktor. "You all step back while Percy and I kill Ares."