A/N: Hii loves, so this is what I'm hoping to be the first of a writing prompt challenge, and today's prompt is, one I really was wanting to write for. "Why does everything have to be a struggle with you?" this takes place during a fight between Lucy and Tim, where Tim throws out this comment during a rough patch in their relationship. I'd like to issue a trigger warning this chapter contains mentions off lose of pregnancy, depression, and light suicidal thoughts. Thank you so much for all the support on my oneshots! It's forever appreciated. Enjoy loves
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She didn't want to kill herself, but somehow she'd always wondered about dying. After Jackson she thought about it multiple times, just never waking up. She knew how to deal with thoughts of dying, knew that she was depressed, she knew that she needed to see her therapist, take her medication, meditate, eat, go to work, she repeated the process over and over until she felt normal again. This time seemed different though, she felt weaker. After last year she hadn't gone uncover again, not after being shot in the stomach killing her unborn baby she didn't realize she was carrying. It was insufferable the first 6 months after, but she had Tim, she always had Tim until last month.
She was positive he probably hated her for killing their baby, even if she hadn't even known at the time, even if the operation wasn't even a long term, but one simply gone wrong within hours. For the past year he grieved with her, making sure she was aware it wasn't her fault, he'd told her house much he loved her, how she was going to be an amazing mom one day, but most importantly he told her how it wasn't her fault. He held her every single night, until 2 weeks ago. It first started upon his promotion extra hours, less time together, but they made it work until she began to fall into a depression again, and he seemed to grow annoyed after the 5th hangout with their friends she declined because she couldn't fake her smile then, and everyone would know something was wrong. She could barely manage that at work, could barely keep her thoughts from drifting any time she drove alone. What if she drove her car off the road it would be an accident? What if she took to many of the pills her therapist gave her which were supposed to help with these thoughts, what if she just didn't wake up? Would her husband even care, or would part of him always hate her for killing his baby?
The shift that day had been particularly unbearable, she was exhausted all day, her head was throbbing and all she could think about was dying, but she forced herself through her shift like every day, forced herself to smile and be the remaining pieces of herself. So when Angela invited everyone over to her house to hangout she knew she was screwed. Tim didn't even like social events, it just seemed like he wanted away from her. "Lucy can you make it?" Harper asked, but Angela became less and less pushy, instead often she'd squeeze her hand and tell her to rest. For some reason she knew, Angela knew that the issues she was having with Tim wasn't the only thing going on, but did she know how bad. "Umm I'll see. Bye." She muttered before leaving the station, she in fact wasn't going, her head was throbbing she couldn't. "You wanna go?" Tim asked calmly on the drive home, he drove every day because Lucy's hands couldn't stop shaking long energy for her too do so.
She knew he was probably sick of their friends asking where she was all the time, sick of his wife being a let down, but she couldn't. "I mean it's a Thursday night.." she began saying, making up excuses was easier then saying straight out she couldn't go. "Don't do that, it's a simple yes or no. I don't want some excuse Luce." He said, and she could tell he was irritated weather or not he tried to mask it or not. "I can't." She muttered, her hands seemed to shake more the more she spoke. I just want this to all stop. "Why baby? He asked, she could tell he was irritated no matter how hard he was trying not to be. "I don't want to ruin everyone's moods. I'm tired, and my head hurts." she began to say but almost instantly she saw the disappointment fall on his face, she was sure he was mad at her. Of course she didn't blame him, he probably missed her actually being his wife instead of this lifeless shell. "You're angry?" She asked, and he shook his head, but he sighed as his grip tightened on the steering wheel. "No, I just don't understand why everything is a struggle with you lately."
