𝒞𝒽ℯ𝓃𝒻ℴ𝓇𝒹 ℴ𝓃ℯ𝓈𝒽ℴ𝓉𝓈

𝘛𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦

A/N: this is something a bit new that a don't usually write much, but I kinda wanted to experiment with some pre Chenford dating, and you know I'm an angst girl through and through so this oneshot is set right after the rookies get their test scores back, and Lucy gets a 91 which Tim lightly brings up, but due to her parents overly strict behavior she begins spiraling over the score, due to it being still relatively low in her opinion, so of course Tim notices.  Anyway trigger warning for mentioning of panic attacks, ptsd, brief mentions of sexual assault, and mentions of child abuse.

....

It started the moment she saw the scores, 98, 91, 81 and Gray had already drilled them on how the 81 was bad, Tim had said before the scores were relived that Lucy better now get lower then a 93 he'd probably torment her for weeks, and there it stood on the board, only one score over 93, and she knew it wasn't hers. She felt just like she had in school when faced with any grade that wasn't 100%, and full A+, anxiety coursed through her to the point she felt like she was going to be sick, she couldn't look at Tim as he debated with Talia and Angela who's rookie got the low score, and it made her more sick to hear Tim them that their was absolutely no way the low score below to her, and she most likely had the highest one, but she knew it wasn't true.

Lucy on multiple occasions had been described as a perfectionist, always getting straight As in high school, passing every exam in college, but here she was stumbling on an exam that determined her future and her job, and she was  failing, maybe she was a disappointment, she knew Tim would never give her a break if she got the lowest one, but even the 91 wasn't looking to good for her either way and she knew that. The words that she was a failure echoed in her mind causing her to space out, hiding in her own thoughts. "Boot come on." He said, in his usual stern tone. "Yes sir." She said before gasping for some air, why was it so hard to breathe? She knew why, her anxiety was starting back up.

He hadn't noticed the change in her expression, maybe he didn't feel the need to notice, she was quiet for once, and deep down he was worried. "I hope you're using this silence to think over your score boot." He said, watching as her face dropped. "If I got the low score are you gonna have me fired?" She asked, and he figured she was just sassing him, but he genuinely seemed stressed, good the stress would build character. "Should I boot? Are you gonna be useful?" He asked, but her under pressure, test her ability was what he was trying to do, but her reaction made him really question what he'd been doing. Her eyes flashed shut, her body became more tense, and he began wondering weather or not he took it to far, because she didn't say a single word, and she refused to for what seemed like the rest of the day.

She knew she needed to speak, needed to do something but she couldn't, the pure anxiety and embarrassment filled her, and she knew it would be a problem but she couldn't take her mind off of the exam and the scores, had she gotten the 98? Or the 81? Would she actually be fired if that was the case? She knew it was only a matter of time before Tim grew tired of her nonsense and write her up, and she couldn't handle knowing she failed, letting her parents be right about her. "I'm not gonna actually fire you boot." He told her, apparently despite his annoyance with her usual bubbly attitude, he seemed thrown off by behavior, but she still couldn't look at him, she was so nauseous at this point, overcome with anxiety regarding the scores that would be on the board with names connected to the scores. "Can you pull over please?" She asked, feeling her head spin harder and faster. "Can you wait? We'll be back to the station in five?" He asked, and she heard it, for the first time since she got poked by that dirty needle, he was concerned. Her hard ass TO, was worried about her.

He grew increasingly concerned when Lucy, his usual bubbly, talkative, beautiful rookie was clearly upset, and he genuinely hated knowing that he may have help make her upset with the comment earlier applying that she wasn't actually useful. A quick no was the only response he got, so he quickly pulled over off the side of the road, watching as her door quickly opened and she threw up on the side of the street, he tried not to say anything about the way her body trembled after she did get back into the shop, but he couldn't stop his eyes from looking over at her. Had she not been feeling well? "Are you okay? Are you sick?" He asked her softly, his TO voice completely disappearing from the scene, and for a moment she looked at him like she wanted to talk, but she seemed to get scared, or lost the words and stopped. "I think lunch just didn't sit right with me. I'll be fine." She told him, but he doubted it, because her body was still shaking, so it was either she was sick, or something else was wrong, and he would find out what it was.