Disenchantment Sagas

Spooky Campfire Stories

"And when the door opened...and I turned around...it was daddy Elfo...and when he raised his hand...he slapped me...ON THE BUM-BUM!"

Bean, Luci and Koga all stared at Elfo with unexpressive looks. Elfo's stared at them, waiting for someone to react. Elfo's clears his throat. "ON THE BUM-BUM!" He repeated.

"Yeah, repeating it isn't going to make it scary, Elfo..." said Luci.

"What? It was scary to me!" said Elfo, frowning.

It was the dead of night, and the group sat somewhere in the enchanted forest with a roaring campfire in the middle. After chatting briefly, Luci thought they should all take turns telling scary stories. However...it seems as though it was off to a bad start.

"You know I had a feeling it was going to be something about your butt Elfo," said Bean.

"You know you're supposed to tell scary stories about monsters and ghosts. Not stories about getting spankings," Koga stated.

"Bum-bum slaps are scary! Ugh, nobody understands me!" Elfo whined as he crossed his arms and pouted.

"Well, it is funny, though," Luci laughed.

"Oh, Ha Ha! Laugh at my expense!" Elfo glared at Luci.

"I am! HAHAHAH!" Luci laughed some more.

"Ok, ok, enough of that," said Bean. "Alright, it's time for a real scary story" She clears her throat. "It was a dark and stormy night. I was fourteen years old at that time. I had woken up to the sound of thunder shaking the castle. I grabbed a light and strolled down the stone hallways, and when I did...I heard odd groans echoing against the walls. I slowly walked towards the sound of cries...and they were coming from a room in the castle. I opened the door...and...IT WAS MY DAD! BUCK NAKED!"

Elfo, Luci and Koga just stared at Bean. Bean looked at their blank expressions. Elfo frowned. "That's just disgusting..." He whispered.

Bean scowled. "OH COME ON! A NAKED ZOG? DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW MUCH TRAUMATIC THAT WAS? I still can't believe I even have a sex drive after seeing that!"

"Why exactly was he naked?" asked Luci.

"He had just got done having sex with Oona..." Bean crossed her arms and shivered.

Luci, Elfo and Koga shivered as well.

"Yeah...reptile sex is supposed to be quiet...but my dad isn't..."

"Ok...that was not a scary story...that was a nasty story..." said Koga. "None of that was terrifying. Although the thought of seeing a naked Zog is horrific, it's not a spooky story."

"Yeah, I expected you to come up with better stories," said Luci.

Elfo looks at Luci. "Well, what about you? You used to live in hell, so there must be tons of scary stories that you can tell us."

"As a matter of fact, I do!" said Luci, cracking his fingers. "This story is based on a dream I had living in hell. I had just come back from torturing two popes with the thought of other religions. I went to bed...and then started dreaming..."

Bean, Elfo and Koga listened with anticipation.

"I dreamed...I WAS AN ANGEL!" Luci cried. "I WAS FACE TO FACE WITH GOD! AND I WAS HAPPY AND JOLLY AND I EVERYONE WAS ALL SMILES AND-" Luci covered his face. "It was terrible..."

"You have got to be kidding me..." said Koga, facepalming.

"Aww, Luci, you would look cute with your little angel wings!" Bean smiled at her.