quicksand (Dazai X Reader)

underworld

“Did you just arrive in a foreign city and you just bought and smoked weed?” 

Can't say I am surprised or disappointed, Dazai's eyes were pink and his pupils dilated, a half smoked blunt secured in his ear. He shrugged his shoulders and started to dig into the paper bag, taking one of the boxes out. 

“It's legal here… plus, I figured you wouldn't want to see me drinking” he said, taking one nugget out and moving it around like a pointer, then eating it. 

It was true, I didn't want to see him with a glass in his hand. Not for now at least. But the thought that he couldn't make it through the day without any substance streaming on his bloodstream made me want to rip my eyelashes out one by one.

“Such a gentleman” I said sarcastically while I ate my nuggets too, he chuckled, I snorted. Maybe this wasn't so bad. 

We walked to a hotel not far from the street the taxi had left us, after finishing our food accompanied by painful small talk that made us both want to stop talking but just couldn't, because the silence was getting too heavy to handle. 

Dazai was leading the way as he almost always did when I was with him, his shadow that used to cover me like a security blanket now felt like thick smoke that wouldn't let me breathe. Yet, I refused to move out of the way, I refused to come out for air as if my lungs don't need it. 

Big doors opened and he walked towards the front desk, my hands clutching the back of his sweater like a lost child, and I was indeed lost in more than one aspect. He talked to the lady standing behind the counter, his english had a unique accent, I know it bothers him but wouldn't let it show past the small twitch of his lip. I couldn't understand any of it, not because I didn't get the words but because they sound muffled, as if I was underwater just listening to faint echoes of sentences. 

She gave him a keycard and he said thanks, the lady gave me a weird look for a moment then averted her eyes. She didn't ask any questions. Maybe she should have, I wonder if I would have answered them. 

Narrow corridors, long strides he gave, small steps I followed. He turned his face back to face me from time to time, making sure I was right behind and I sure was, wondering if I would ever catch up, if I could possibly walk beside him and not with three cautionary steps behind. The lights were warmer than I expected, my eyes didn't hurt past the natural sting of an open wound trying to heal. 

Press a button, elevator doors open and close. Even then I found myself hidden behind him, pressed against the mirror wall and facing his back. We have not said a word to each other since we entered the hotel. There's too many words that need to be said and not enough space and time to let them all out, so we don't. 

Doors open and steps are being taken again. Dazai walks like he knows the building like the back of his hand, maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. 

My head hurts.

“Miss, are you okay?” 

Turning my head around a young bellboy appeared with eyebrows furrowed and concern in his eyes. He looked at me then at Dazai and back at me. His feet rooted on the floor, knees unshaken but palms sweaty. He reminded me of Atsushi, the same nervous stance but heart too big for their own good. 

“No… but I will be, so carry on and keep asking strangers awkward questions.” I whispered to him with a soft smile. He opened his mouth to say something but I was already following behind Dazai, clinging to the back of his sweater again.