quicksand (Dazai X Reader)

fine line

So we kept it a secret.

The definition of us only existed in the comfort of our own apartments. We made it a habit of staying in one or another's apartment and then going to work together, kind of, our hands interlocked until we reached a bakery or a café and one of us would let go and buy pastries, so the other could walk into the office. It was hard and stupid to keep a secret from a room full of detectives, but since Dazai and I acted almost the same, it was not that complicated in theory, but my feelings? Very complicated.

Ranpo kept giving me disapproving glances everytime we sneaked around or hid so Dazai and I could kiss, or how the world's greatest detective notices the tall and lanky detective let go of my hand suddenly from time to time. Because every time he did that my heart would fall and crash into the ground and my stomach would ache. No matter how many times I told myself his reasons or how everything was different in the separate reality we had made inside our apartments, a part of me was not comfortable with this agreement.

"You need to tell him." Ranpo said as I was sitting on top of his desk eating snacks.

"What for? I just need to get used to it" I answer, trying to act tough fully knowing that Ranpo knew that I was feeling kind of down. He let out a sigh.

"I don't understand romantic relationships" He said hopelessly.

"Oh yeah? And what is it that you have with Poe?" I said munching on some gummies, not looking at him, just at the door.

"We are not that complicated, I go to his house, we watch tv shows or movies on the couch, we eat, we play with Karl, I read his novels, and sometimes have sleepovers" He said, as if it was the most normal thing to do in the world. I was glad, honestly, that Ranpo has found someone he enjoys being with. I was scared for him to grow lonely, sure he and Yosano are great friends, but Ranpo is a very specific type of person, so Im thankful for Poe and how he has helped the person who does not judge me for every stupid decision that I make.

"Do you guys kiss?" I asked, curiously.

"Sometimes, why?" He said innocently, and I melted. This 27 year old man was very cute when he didn't get things like social cues.

"God bless my brother in Christ, Poe, because you are clueless" I said laughing and he puffed his cheeks in confusion and annoyance.

I saw Dazai signal me to follow him, he and I made some phrases or movements only known to us, and Ranpo, to communicate when we wanted to talk something about us, or we wanted to make out in the supply closet.

This time it was just to follow him into the roof. As soon as I entered through the door, Dazai closed it behind me and kissed me, pressing my back against the metal, I had a feeling that he actually liked the sneaking around, maybe it made his days more exciting, filling his mind of ways not to get caught instead of ways to kill himself. Maybe I would like to believe that so that I don't feel bad about being treated as a secret.

I pushed him away slightly and he smiled at me. This was a good day, he had not depersonalized throughout the day. I smiled back and walked over to Kenji's cow to pet it. He followed me but didn't stay too close. Dazai was pretty picky with smells and textures, so he did not give our little cow many pets.

"Let's get out of town this weekend" He said in a low tone, looking at the clouds, it was windy today.

One of the things that changed in our dynamic was that Dazai was less energetic or dramatic, letting go of his role of being the class clown, he was much calmer when we were alone, he was still annoying and made jokes, but it seemed he is more of an introvert.

"I can't, I have made plans with Chuuya" I said, brushing the pretty cow, who tried to eat my hair. Dazai made a face, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth in a line.