quicksand (Dazai X Reader)

are you ready for it

My hand on the doorknob without twisting it. I am having second thoughts. I know that as soon as I enter the apartment a battle of wills will begin, and my adversary knows no defeat. I am fighting a losing war. I am betting on losing dogs. Aw, fuck it.

I opened the door, entered with my eyes on the floor, took off my shoes and turned to face the handsome devil resting on the window still. He had a cigarette on his fingers and no coat or vest on. He looked messy and tired. He took some time to turn his face to me, sad eyes resting on deep dark circles.

"Where were you?" he asked in a raspy breathy voice filling the room.

I have never seen him smoke, sure, I have seen the cigarette packages inside his drawer on his desks, but never once he had smoked in front of anyone at the Agency at least.

"Is it a rhetorical question? Aren't we too old for puzzles?" I responded while leaving my things on the floor and walking towards him. I positioned myself in front of him, by the other side of the window. The sun was up, hitting both of us in the face.

He did not answer, he just looked at me with smoke casually covering his eyes. It's always like this with Dazai, push and pull, every conversation as a negotiation.

"I was with Chuuya." I said turning my eyes to the outside of the window, I do not feel guilt or shame.

"Hmm, was it fun at least?" He asked me sarcastically.

"It was, I don't get why you hate him" I said, taking a cigarette off the package and lit it up, now looking at him. I expected him to be more angry, he's just tired.

"He gets on my fucking nerves, but I gotta admit I love teasing him, its funny when he gets mad" he said laughing and looking past me, almost as if there was something behind me that I couldnt see.

"It is, he scrunches his nose and it makes him look younger than he is, plus when he screams his voice gets kind of high" I joined the laugh.

"He sounds like a motorcycle." he added, smiling with his eyes closed.

"Osamu...how is this going to go?" I asked him softly, ash falling from the cigarette and into the hello kitty ashtray.

He took a deep breath, and I could see him think. He threw his head back resting it on the window frame, the morning breeze making his hair move a little.

"You stop all contact, and that's final." He said, opening his empty eyes and looking into mine.

"No." I responded with a firm voice, an unwavering gaze of mine confronting his dull eyes.

"I'm not asking you, I am ordering you." He said in a threatening tone, raising his eyebrow.

I was pissed. These two men making decisions for me, toying with me as if I was a damsel in distress who can't make her own decisions, who doesn't know what's best for her. Treating me as if I was a prize to be won, thinking they are the only ones playing in this board game. I am competing too, I am not the trophy, I am a player too.

"Who would have thought that the cool headed demon prodigy could get his judgment clouded by emotions, I take it as an achievement honestly, making you weak." I said slyly, my eyes as dark as night even with the sun hitting them directly. He raised his head in surprise.

"This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, detective, getting close to the one and only, Nakahara Chuuya, a big shot executive in the Port Mafia, the intel I could get, plus, the nature of the relationship is friendly, he lets his guard down with me." I said mischievously, letting in the part of me that burns in the back of my head way too often and I just ignored it.

I meant every word I said, except I don't. I could be mean and manipulative, I just want it to have a purpose, I would not betray Chuuya, unless necessary, and this way I get a say, I would be the one pulling the strings.

Dazai looked at me carefully, as if to catch any glimpse of dishonesty.

"I can be cynical and cunning too, you ain't the only one who has fallen from grace a while ago" I added, taking the cigarette from his hands, taking a hit and blowing the smoke out of the window.

"It's still a no, Mori will have you killed the second you pose as a threat, he will even have Chuuya kill you with his own hands just to teach him a lesson, and he will do it, Chuuya's biggest strength is his biggest flaw, unwavering loyalty." Dazai's voice was getting softer with each word he was saying, I am winning this battle.

"That sounds pretty scary, but I would have nothing to fear if I had the Devil on my side, like my own guardian angel, after all, Lucifer is an angel." I said getting closer to him, putting my hand near his, my fingertips touching his. I knew exactly what I was doing.

I am taking the narrative back, I am turning the tide.

"You are evil, do you know that?" He said almost whispering and getting closer to my face, intertwining his fingers with mine.

"I am embracing it." I whispered back, our foreheads almost touching, his eyes had a certain spark I couldn't figure out.

I pulled my head back to take impulse and then slammed my head into his, breaking the intimate moment. He fell back on his butt and screamed. He held his forehead in pain.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" he yelled at me and I looked down at him with a smirk.

"Do you think I have forgiven you? I am taking myself off your little play, I am no longer a marionette, I am making decisions, I am directing and writing this stage play with you whether you like it or not. You will respect me as a fucking human being." I said with a firm voice and a confidence that I have no idea where it came from, but I meant every word.

He looked up smiling at me, a surprised but honest smile, crazy look on his eyes, hair covering parts of his face. I have never seen him more human, he was enjoying this. He was excited for me to tear down his throne by force. Even if this was part of his plan, I was also enjoying the situation. I am reclaiming my power, I am demanding respect.

"And get the fuck out of my house, we'll talk later, I'm tired" I ended my statement and walk past him, leaving him on the floor.

"Meow" I heard him whisper, and I chuckled softly.

Let the games begin.