quicksand (Dazai X Reader)

stage play

I went straight home after the incident and left Dazai to deal with things himself. I stayed up most of the night smoking and drinking a little bit. The moment of the unfaithful reunion kept coming to me in flashes of memories, fast and blinding.

I thought Cabernet would have called me or tried to reach out to me by now. Should I start calling him by his name now? Nakahara Chuuya, I cant believe the man who made me laugh countless of times with his strong reactions and opinions is a mass murder and one of the pilars of the organization that haunts the City at night.

Port Mafia is the direct enemy of the Agency, and there I was, literally fraternizing with the enemy, getting drinks and eating with a man that could have killed me any second. But I guess the same can be said about Dazai. The look he gave me today while on the mission was distant and cruel. What am I doing here? What kind of life am I leading?

♣♣♣

I headed to the Agency earlier than usual. I didn't go upstairs because of the fear of Dazai being there, I know he will be waiting for me, he wants a reaction, he wants me to reassure him that he is in control. I am a coward.

I stayed in the Café just thinking about what I should do about the whole situation. Was Dazai going to say that I had a friendship with Nakahara Chuuya? Or is he going to keep it a secret to keep me at bay? The thought placed itself on top of my head as a crown of thorns.

I finally gathered the courage to go upstairs, I opened the door with one hand while holding a tray with a cappuccino that Atsushi had asked me to buy for him, and one matcha for me, another coffee and my head is going to burst.

"Good morning." I said casually looking at everyone's reactions.

"Morning" The members of the Agency answered in a low tone, everyone seemed kind of busy and distracted. Everyone except one, deep brown eyes looking into mine, reading my every move. Dazai gave me a fake smile and even waved at me, acting as if nothing happened.

So I'll do the same.

I went to my desk and saw some case files. I needed to do some profiling. Sometimes the Agency or the Police made me look at descriptions of crime scenes and make something out of it, what kind of person can do which kind of crime, it was fun, like a little puzzle, kind of what Rampo does naturally.

I felt Dazai's gaze on me, it felt like cold wind against my face, this is torturous. I knew our closeness was superficial in nature, just passing time, him trying to stay distracted from the life he desperately tries to throw away, and me entertaining him because I had nothing better to do. Well, that's wrong, I have better things to do, but I just let myself be seduced by the charming possibility of knowing something that others don't.

Seduced by the opportunity of unraveling the mystery that was Dazai Osamu.

I got greedy and careless and got myself burned by hellfire.

"How did you sleep darling? Did you miss me?" He asked while looking down at me as if he was sitting on a throne.

"I slept well." I answered ignoring the last part, he was trying to push a button. I kept avoiding his gaze. I hated myself for feeling small, like a child being punished when I did nothing wrong, or so I thought.

"Mmm is that so, I thought you would have kind of a rough night, considering yesterday's events." His tone was mischievous, but his eyes were emotionless.

I ignored it, and kept looking at gruesome pictures that seemed more bearable than to look at the man beside me. He kept his eyes on me, I could feel his stare, and then, a minute later I just heard him hum and he turned away.