The Black The white and the grey.

Chapter 22 | Fill my cup.

Kaboentle.

He gently rubs my hand as we anxiously wait for Patricia.

I look around her office and it's honestly beautiful. There's an entire wall length book shelf that covers from her floor to ceiling with marble tiles royal blue rugs and white couches.

The aesthetic in here is calming even the colors that she's used here make me feel relaxed. I guess this was her intention when interior designer designed this place, just to get her  patients to be a little off edge but non of that seems to be having an effect on the man that's seated next to me.

Today is our, well my first day in therapy and officially my first initiative to getting "help". Siya insisted that i start this journey before fully going into building my NGO which mind you is starting of well. He lent me his assistant for the time being to help me with my proposals for future investors and already I have an ample amount of meetings scheduled for the up coming week, meetings with my contractors, prospective employees and of course these investors.
Siya has been nothing but a great help although he has his hands full with doing the damage control for what happened at the mine. We've had to visit twelve homes in total for the miners that were lost to offer our condolences and to offer compensation.

Seeing most of the wives of the man that man lost their lives broke my heart because it took me back to how I could have easily become one of them within three months of our marriage.

I look at Siya and everyday my heart fills with nothing but love for this man. His bruises and the injuries that he's sustained are healing but through all of this he has been struggling mentally to get through what happened. He acts strong and he tells me that he's okay but I wouldn't be here today if I didn't know that he's struggling. Yes I am here for me too but I am also here to get him to get help and he wouldn't have come have I not told him that I "needed support."

He dropped everything and accompanied me here.

I brush his thigh and I hold the inside of it towards his knee and i give it a gentle squeeze although it's significantly bigger than my hand and I look up at him.

"Why does it seem like your more anxious than I am ?"

"That's because I am. I just want you to be okay."

"And we will be okay. I know this."
I reassure him and he sighs before he looks away from me too.

"I'm worried about you too."

"I am okay, love. Trust me."

"Siya... acting all big and strong won't help. I can see it in your eyes when I close the shower door when we're inside, you panic. You try to hide it but I pick up on that. I can tell that your not the same person that went into the shaft before then.
It's okay to have fears to, but what's not okay is you neglecting your own mental health."

"I am not neglecting anything. I'm just choosing to prioritize you over myself. I'm choosing to fill your cup before I can fill mine."

I stare at him and I feel my cheeks move into an involuntary smile. He shakes his head and he stares away from me and his dimples slowly surface.
I am not smiling because I am happy but I am smiling because of how much I admire this man.

"Not to sound selfish. I feel like it would only be fair of you to start filling your cup before you can fill mine and vise versa. It's not like I can't fill my own cup anyways."

"But my job is to provide. I work tirelessly day and night so that you can have everything that you want. I'm taking from my cup and I am putting into yours by working all those hours for us. I put you first above my needs so that you can be okay so I can be able to provide that sense of security for you and for me being able to fill your cup fills mine. Seeing you happy and comfortable makes me happy and so I prioritize that. I make sure that the roof above your head is stable, you have abundant, clothes and food and obviously money..."