The Black The white and the grey.

Chapter 1 | Initiation.

Kaboentle.

I am woken up by the slight dipping of my bed before my nose catches her scent and the chai tea that she's placed on the bed side table.

I love the way she smells.

I love that the way she smells always gives me comfort, always reminds that she's here just like she's always been since the day I became aware of who she is in my life. She's not my mother, but she's every other thing that makes her a home to me. Home is her.
Home is my father and lastly Home is my mother without the exception of my brothers too. But mmamane, mmamane is my everything but right now I want nothing than to be nowhere near anything that reminds me that I am losing it all.

I slept all throughout the night last night, those painkillers knocked me out to the brim or maby because I was also just exhausted. I need the rest. Although my body feels rejuvenated, Inside... inside I feel horrible.

I feel her run her hands down my hair before she lightly carasses my cheek as I continue to Hug my pillow and I stare at the bare walls.

"Kabo, you cant keep yourself locked in here Nana. The arrangements can't continue without you. Membeso wagago is in two days and you don't have a dress yet."
[Your Umembeso.]

"Mmamane the membeso can go on without me. Infact, everything can go without me, I want nothing to do with any of this."

"Kaboentle !!"
She scolds as her features turn hard and my lips remain shut. I can feel the creases between my eyebrows physically tightening my face as I stare at her too like a three year old who's awaiting a long scold after that reprimanding pause and all you do is just wait.

Wait and stare. But I am not that three year old I am a grown woman for fuck sakes.

"Kaboentle, those people are expecting you. You ran away from them last night and can't run away from them again. You need to get up..."

I look away from her and I hear her start to sigh before she lightly pulls at my face.

"I know that this is tough for you, and believe you me, this is tough for me too. I'm so nerve wrecked because I don't know the type of life that you'll be subjected too once we leave here. I don't even know how these people are going to treat you.
if they've opened up their hearts to you. Even this "husband" of yours, I worry about him too, if he will treat you right too, if he will love you..."

I look down at my hands and I start to play with my hands again.

"I am just as scared as you are Kabo. I'm more afraid for you. But as long as I am here we can conquer it all."

"You won't be here for long."

"I know, but I am here to help you get settled in. I never had this. And I am not abandoning you."

"I know..."

I say and I see her nod her head in understanding.

"I think it would be best if I did this on my own. So that I can get used to being alone, I want to settle in on my own."

I say and I see a pained expression dash across her face before she finally nods again.

I need her right now more than anything and I'll probably need her more when she leaves me here, but if I am to survive this place I need to learn to do this on my own.

"I understand. But if you need anything-"

"I won't hesitate to let you know."
I cut her off.

She nods her head at me and she stands up at the side of my bed and she brushes my hair back slightly and she turns to leave the room, without a word further.