The Black The white and the grey.

Chapter 4 | A gentle squeeze.

Kaboentle.

It's the day of the wedding and its a new day, not entirely new but just an extension of last night.
I couldn't sleep a wink after what happened last night.
I was reckless and I needed to escape but little did I know that I could have cost myself my own life in a very stupid way.

The maids are in my room getting it tidied up while they also prepare my dress for the wedding and myself of course.

It's bright white and it's mermaid shaped with a boob tube, it's also as equally gorgeous as the rest.

It rests on a maniquin next to the make up artists make shift station infront of my window while air gushes through the doors and into my room.

I don't know how I am feeling right now, it's all just  a mix of emotions.
Today marks the day where I officially give away my surname. The day where I officially bid farewell to Kaboentle Moloi. The day where I start a new chapter in my life that I am so frightened of.

I couldn't look my aunt in the eye this morning when she woke me up because my heart had become a thousand times heavier and hate how ignorant theyv all become and I am starting to resent them for it now.

Everybody can see that I am losing it and yet nobody is doing anything to help me. Instead I get false promises, more discipline and abuse. Maby drowning in that bath tub wasn't such a bad idea.

A woman who's dressed in formal wear walks into the room with a leather bag hug over her arm.

She waits at the door and she stares at the maides before she looks at me again.

She wants them to leave.

"You may leave us."

I tell them and they do a mini bow with their heads and they shuffle out of the room.

As soon as they shut the door She walks closer to me.

"I am Patricia, a professional psychiatrist and I had been assigned to you by the prince to be your coucelor."

"I don't need counseling. "

"Well by law you are required to be assigned to one after an event like the one that transpired."

"What happened last night was a mistake and you can go and tell your prince and your "law" that I don't need you. I am fine."

I hope he didn't go and tell everybody else that I tried to kill myself.

"This isn't about you only."

"Then who is it about ?"

"The throne."
She pauses.
"If you are unfit for the throne then it needs to be known."

"I am getting married today Patricia you are aware of that right ?"

"Exactly... the prince needs to know if your okay."

She says with sincerity laced in her voice and a look of genuine concern.

Im not okay. But I don't have time to wallow in all of this, the show must go on.

"Even If I weren't okay, this doesn't mean that the wedding is going to stop. Hell the wedding will go on without me, just like everything had been going on for the past week,  So no I am not okay but it doesn't mean that subject to me being unwell I would go as far as killing myself... I made a reckless mistake last night and I am still shook from it and I am thankful that he walked in when he did. But this doesn't change anything."

I say and I see her sigh. She takes out her card and she hands it to me.

"If you need to talk, be free to ring my office and we can arrange an appointment for you."