Soulmate Cravings

What Are We

     On the surface, Sarawat was calm and collected, but underneath the surface, he was burning in fury. He wanted to rip someone to shreds with his bare hands, piece by piece, and once that was done, he wanted to chase their internal soul down to Tartarus just so he could do it all over again. All these years, the only person he'd ever desired, the only person he had ever felt compelled to protect, had been slaughtered 16 times, right under his nose and he'd been clueless. The rage surged through him in waves and the only thing keeping him sane was that Tine's panic was being held at bay only by Sarawat's calmness. One terrified, one pissed, and both being kept under a wave of relative peace because of each other's presence.

      Sarawat wanted to sift through Tine's journals to find clues as to who was after Tine. He had a gut feeling he knew who it was, and it was painful to think of the amount of betrayal it would be if it was them, but he needed more clues to prove his theory, because if he was wrong, he stood to lose one of his oldest and dearest friends. There was also the mystery behind who Mil was and what part he actually played in all of this, and if he was actually a savior or a villain hidden behind a halo. Sarawat was also desperate to know more of the 3400 years of time that had passed where his mate had come back, and Sarawat had failed to find and protect him. Sarawat had believed for a long time that him not being able to reunite with his soulmate had been the universe's punishment because he was a vampire. Something he had believed in strong enough to not have questioned the continued misses of their soul's reuniting. Sarawat thought they weren't supposed to reunite and although he had never given up the search, he had assumed his misses were the work of the universe. Now he knew better. Someone had spent three millennia betraying him, and he needed to solve the puzzle to figure out who. Not only to punish them, but also to protect Tine. "Can I read these?"

     Tine furrowed his eyebrows. The content of those journals was nothing short of Sarawat's soulmate being murdered repeatedly. Tine had never expected someone who would be as affected by their contents as Sarawat would be to want to read them, and had never held back on the details. Just the cliff notes had been enough for Sarawat to eat himself up in guilt. Tine was afraid that reading them would only cause Sarawat to blame himself further.

     Sarawat saw the hesitation in Tine's eyes as sought to convince him, "I realize that they are personal memoirs, but there may be clues hidden in the things the tormentor said or things that they did that will stand out to me that wouldn't stand out to you. I understand that it may feel like a breach of privacy, but it may be the key to figuring out who has been doing this so I can stop them."

     Tine shook his head, "It's not a breach of privacy. I don't care about that part, Sarawat. There are already three other people who have read these journals. I'm just afraid that you will find more reasons to blame yourself, and I don't want that."

     Sarawat nodded, "It can't be helped. I'm going to blame myself, anyway. I've never been where you needed me to be. I have failed to protect you 16 times. So, let me have the chance to redeem myself, to find the clues to atone for my blindness, and give myself a chance to earn forgiveness for my perilous oversight."

     Tine nodded, "I want you to understand that there is nothing to forgive yourself for. This is on them, not on you. But, if it would make you feel better to read them, then I won't stop you. Although there isn't much point in reading the Namcha ones since you were there and you already know everything that happened. The rest of them are just short life spans. My tormentor never granted me the time to grow and make something of myself. They have ripped apart my soul so many times throughout the centuries that it's stunted. It's like I can feel it inside of me, coiling and uncoiling, on the edge of madness. It's broken, and I don't think I'll be able to reincarnate after this life. Maybe that's why I can remember everything, because it's my last."